August 15, 2021

2021/4 - Blessed moment

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah. 

Hari ni i counter goosebump moment. Banyak je before before ni tapi hari ni nak buat blog sebab macam perlu di blog haha. Oh btw, last time i update daily cases Covid 5-6K per day kan now dah 20-21K cases per day. 5-6K tu Selangor sahaja. At this point, rasa macam tunggu masa je nak kena. But alhamdulillah, i dah fully vaccinated! Cuma belum 14 hari lagi after second dose hihu but still Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal.

Okay back to my goosebump moment, so few days ni, okay taklah few months ni, i ada struggle dengan this one thing. Kemuncak nya today la kot rasa nak breakdown sebab semalam i dah buat one big decision yang macam entah la tak tau kenapa buat haha. The whole process is exhausting and tiring jadi memang rasa penat. Dengan terkurung macam ni. Frust tau. dengan kerja yang dah overload. Sometimes i memang nak quit everything and balik Melaka. Tapi i seronok je stay Shah Alam and plan nya nak settle down Shah Alam. But we'll see la how. 

Okay anyways, so hari ni after isyak, i baca Quran macam biasa and lepas tu bergenang la sensorang. Sedih. Sebab rasa penat sangat kot. Lepas tu teringat la tips baca kat mana entah, ada orang, dia sedih tutup mata and bukak Quran random page. Baca tafseer keluar ayat yang akan sooth kan our pain. Cemtula lebih kurang. So i tried, before bukak tu i cam "Ya Allah tolong la bagi something yang hit myself" and ofcoz ayat nya takde kena mengena dengan my pain haha. Pastu i mampu gelak jelah but nice try. Dah kemas nak lepak untuk tidur, tetiba notification from Qalby apps masuk.


Pastu i cam terdiam. Goosebump jap. Dia macam this is exactly what i need right now. Pastu bergenang lagi. Baiknya Allah. Baik sangat. Taip ni pun bergenang lagi. Never thought He will comfort me in a way i can never expect. i asked Allah to ease my pain, He answers me. i sedih. sebab i tak baik sangat, banyak lagi benda nak kena betul kan tapi Allah baiknya dengan saya. i am constantly showered with endless blessings.

These days, i prayed for some specific things over and over that i desperately wanted answered. i struggled with watching what i get was the opposite of my du'as and its causing me emotional pain but i reminded myself that His plan is the best. Tapi ofcoz, ada masa you macam mempersoalkan juga. It was hard. Really, really hard. Tapi i tetap remind my self, Allah is Al Hakim. the All Wise. Trust in His plan. He knows it better than anything i could even dream of asking for and that every obstacle on my path is actually another door opening to a better outcome. and for that, i'll keep begging. i'll keep having hope. i'll keep asking. Even if it's different from what i ask. He will always respond with what is best for me.

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim,
i don't ask for anything much, but please guide me to always trust Your plan and put You first before anything else. i was extremely tired for these past few months, thankyou, for being nice to me.

i got a little emotional la today bila dapat the notification. haha. Feeling so grateful, so loved, so blessed. Alhamdulillah.

Stay safe!

Lots of love,
S