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February 21, 2021

2021/2 - Better days

Salam & hai.

Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.


I am not sad, but i am not happy either. If someone were to ask me how i feel, i tak tau nak jawab apa. i rasa kosong. i felt lost....and alone. Second MCO really hits me hard. It wasn't a new feeling pun. I had felt this way since i start pindah Shah Alam but now, lagi over kot. There's something yang bothering me. i wonder why i didn't feel better. i wish i could feel like everyone else. They seemed to have a content and happy life. Why can't i feel the same.

i am figuring and re-evaluating things right now. Reset everything back la kot. i used to have someone to talk to about my days for the past few months, but not anymore. temporary people, permanent hurt. my heart hurts soooo much, i didn't know pain like this existed and now had me in its very real gripThese new emotions are messing with my mind. Penat and this MCO make things worst. All i do everyday, lie and wonder why i didn't feel better. The things i usually enjoyed, no longer hold that same joy.

Tak apalah. i'll figure it out soon. For now, i will own up my emotions for myself. i hope, this will get easier and i will get the sense of control back. Seeing my loved ones happy, makes me happy. i wish all the happiness for them because they deserve it.

Praying for the woman i will be in future. i hope she is happy with her loved ones and doing what she loves.

i'm far from being myself lately and it concerns me. His plan is the best in sha Allah :)

Stay strong everyone yang tengah struggle jugak! and stay safe.

Lots of Love,
S

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