May 27, 2017

2017/13 - La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤

Ramadhan Kareem gaizzz!! Happy first day of Ramadhan 😘 Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah. How great is it, alhamdulillah to be alive and experience yet another blessful Ramadhan Kareem. Lets chase all the goodness and rewards that this month offer and lets take full advantage of it ❤ hehe. May we come out of this month with increased imaan and improved version of ourselves in sha Allah! ameen 😊 Ramadhan Mubarak, everyone!

Things aren't always easy and sometimes it feels so much to handle and i can't really understand myself 😔 Truth is, i am afraid of a lot of things these days. I'm scared of not doing good, of giving too much, of losing people i love and care, of failure (final coming gaizzz ahhh stresssszzzZZZ). The exam stress is already more than enough, i don't need more. i'm losing interest in everything and everyone to be honest 😪 i stopped talking to those people who stopped talking to me. i stopped caring when people are showing no interest. i wonder if i have truly changed. but that's just the way i am, imperfects and always in constant need for improvement.

i got my heart broken for being loyal and becoz of that, i'm too afraid to stay close with anyone. Those who stayed too close by my side, i'm too afraid of taking them for granted. Dulu, masa kecik i cari kawan yang kelakar, yang baik, yang cantik. i focused on the qualities that my friends had. But now no more. As i get older, my process of choosing kawan is more specific. i focus on the qualities that their friendship brings out in me. This is what i seek in friendship now. Do i become lagi baik bila kawan dengan dia, jadi lagi nakal ke, jadi lagi sopan ke. All those qualities that come out in me in the company of them. And now, i have this why-i-do-even-bother kind of feeling *sigh.

i wish i can apologize to every single soul i've accidentally hurt especially to the one, who always there for me. Wallahi. i would never want to hurt you guys intentionally. I'm fighting my own feeling now. But you guys know me well kan, if something/someone really matters a lot to me, by hook or by crook, i'll make time for it. idk, i really want to do something good that can give me reward in this life and hereafter nanti. i really really want to make people smile. There is something very satisfying about making other people happy and i really hope i can always make my loved ones as happy as they have make me 😘💖👭 I seek for apologize to everyone of you if my words and actions have ever hurt you guys. Please forgive me, for the sake of Him. i am neither perfect nor good. i still learn to be a better person each day 😔💖

Ya Rabb, please please please, make me not tired of doing good to others and ask nothing in return from them (+ wanting to be appreciated). Please remove all the hatred and jealousy from my heart and replace it with lovessszzz. Purify my heart, my intention and heal me from the hurt.

You promised us ya Rabb,
La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha 🏰✨

Final is coming. doakan yang baik2 😁😊

Lots of Love,

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