March 13, 2016

2016/9 - From My Heart

Assalamualaikum & hai!

hoping everyone in the best of health & imaan in sha Allah. This week can consider as one of the most hectic week for the past 21 years. Alhamdulillah, everything was over and alhamdulillah, next week i dah boleh pack up balik rumah (dah 1 month i tak balik rumah, the longest time i berperang dengan perasaan homesick fuhh) but again, alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal, everything went well yeaaayy!!!! i'm going to tell you guys apa yg hectic sangat tu in next entri ok!

So today, not only today la for the past few months, people keep asking me about Aisyah, one of my favourite people since 2013 and till beyond in sha Allah. As dulu, i always upload our pictures together (including Atiqa and Ain too) but most of my pictures are with Aisyah (as we had been friend since foundation kan). But lately, i haven't upload any of my picture with them. Not even one. So, some people yg concern (read : crush on my friend :P) keep asking me, "eh dah tak kawan dengan Aisyah?" "You guys gaduh ke" " kenapa takde gambar dengan Aisyah?" (perk of keep uploading picture together lol) So, lets make it clear. Me and Aisyah (or Atiqa or Ain or anyone) are in a good term right now, VERY GOOD indeed, there's no such thing bergaduh ke, tarik muka ke apa ke ok!

i haven't upload any of our pictures together, one of the factor, because of respect. Yes, all my friends in sha Allah, are struggling for a better life. They need space and support to be a better person. If diorang pun tak upload their own picture, why should me kan? Bukan maksud i haven't upload any pictures of us, we are not in a good term, bergaduh ke apa. We still hangout together sometimes, and dekat kelas pun selalu je sama sama, selalu je gurau gurau, selalu je spread positive vibes among us.

it's not because i haven't upload any pictures of us mean we are not friend anymore. Somehow, i used not to show my favourite people's face dulu kini sampai sekarang. Sebab i taknak, ada sesiapa terasa hati ke tersinggung ke, we really dont know others people punya feeling macam mana kan. Plus, not everyone are good at expressing love and care (one of them is me ofcoz) i've learnt a lot about friendship, mostly ofcoz through my own experiences and observing other people's friendship. If i think about mine, alhamdulillah these days i have truly been blessed with amazing friends who have become  more like family subhanallah.

And day in and day out, no matter how hard i try to avoid this one person that used to be my favourite people dulu, Allah had planned better. i kept bumping and met her unexpectedly. i'm beyond tired at this point and i dont know what future holds for, but it's really uncomfortable and bothering me if she keeps showing up. I once believe, once one side withdraws the friendship, there is nothing left to preserve and whatever is going on in her life should no longer concern me. But then, everytime i meet her again, i feel bad. i guess you cant always say what's in your heart kan and you cant lie:') 

i put my trust on Him. Whatever happen, i will always pray the best for you and sorry for keep blaming on you (for me to move on) if what is gone was good, i would be happy over it. But, no, i'm not happy right now and keep lying on myself. If our paths meet again soon, i hope you will still remember me. Till then, take care of yourself and thankyou for all the memories ♥

p/s : i already aware that she will never ever read this blog, thats why i bravely write this one and maybe will be delete soon just like my past posts yes POSTs about her once i feel ok again after met her back just now and of coz it takes time.

Anyone know the fast way to move on? hands up pleaaaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. my heart hurts and cant cope everytime i met her and remembering past memories :(

Lots of Love.

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