February 28, 2020

2020/3-Self Love v/s Selfish

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman in sha Allah.

Hai saya kembali! hehe. Wow in 2 weeks i sempat squeeeeze post another entri ni macam gempak jap lol. Oh btw, i still dekat shah alam and belum ada ura ura nak pindah Melaka sis iz sad. in sha Allah sooon doakan! i okay je kat sini. i seronok, i dah selesa tapi tulah, bila anything emergency jadi, for example hari tu my car dua kali broke down in a weeeek, i terus stress. macam trauma jap. ughhh but alhamdulillah ramai stranger yang baik baik tolong i. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah.

You see, this year i twenty five tau. The older i get, the more i understand what it means to walk that fine line between selfish and selfless. i realize being humble and thinking about others more than myself, is not right. Wow, that sounds soooo wrong before ni haha. i need to prioritize myself. i enchanted those words every day lol. In fact, we all have tooooo sbb everyone else is doing the same.

The people i spend the most time with will always hear me says things like "okay boleh, follow je" or "tak susahkan boleh jee". My friends reading this right now are rolling their eyes coz it's true and lately i found this trait to be constantly annoying. But, to be honest, this phrases spill from my lips unconciously. Macam dah di script tau.i dont even think about other options lepas dah decide baru rasa macam apalah kau buat ni Syaimaa haha. Until at one point, as i have forever put the needs of others ahead of my own, i jadi takut. i takut it's how i will always be. i started to realize yang this kind of traits is not good. People tend to take advantage on me and for that, this habit needs to stop, immediately! Okay maybe immediately cam over kan, so slowly la hehe.

But of course i taknak lah 100% jadi self centered pulak. Common sense will tell me when i'll have to put others first. i'll need to start compromise either in relationship or friendship. Well at least i can put myself on hold to tolerate with someone i care about. Not saying kita kena start jadi selfish for the whole time, cuma put some limit supaya your emotion and physical pun healthy and happy je.

All is good. Alhamdulillah. Makin sayang diri sendiri, makin sayang perasaan sendiri dari orang lain. See you guys lagi nanti! hihi. Hope you guys sayang diri sendiri banyak banyak jugak okie!

Thankyou for reading my rant. Saja share. hihi.

Lots of Love,

February 13, 2020

2020/2- Dees

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah.

On 1st February 2020, one of my happy pills dah selamat jadi wife orang. Elyza's wedding. And so on that day, i was sitting behind her during akad, watching her marry the man of her dream, fills me with so much joy (and tears) haha lol. With so many weddings and engagements happening in my life right now, after going through two weddings of my close one, i realized i am a total crybaby at weddings haha. i was supposed to write this post before the wedding mcm Sajda punya dulu but you know...time constraint...k tipu sebab asyik bertangguh sebenarnya hihi.

Anyways, Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal, selamat dah sorang lagi.To my beautiful inside out happy pill, Dees, enjoy your days as someone's wife. Let your love for each other grows day by day and be the only thing that guides you two towards a beautiful family. You spend so much of your time dulu till now worrying about other people, ensuring they're happy, being there for them and now on your 25th birthday, it's all about you. Everyone in that room is there, celebrating you and him, to share this once in a lifetime moment with both of you. And now, your priority change and it means you have someone there to love and support you, to listen and hold you when life gets hard and paling penting, you will always be taken care of.

Oh, tahniah Aiman for won over the heart one of my girls. We share you with him knowing that he have married one of the cooooolest woman in the entire world. k over haha. May Aiman cherish you, the way we all have and may Aiman love you more than we all have. Thankyou Aiman for making our friend's fairytale she so much deserves jadi realiti.

1st February 2020, starts your forever with him. I am so excited to watch you grow into the kickass, wonderful (read:solehah) wife i know you'll be! Can't wait to see mini you hehe.

Thankyou for existing. Love you, Dees.

p/s: i am aware yg most of my friend tak tau pun i wrote about them on my blog. tapi i seronok sebab i buat since dulu. i tulis, i buat video, i simpan gambar. At least, if bukan sekarang, nanti when i am not around dah, i left something for them to keep remember and doa kan i banyak banyak banyak hehe. Thats how much i love my happy pills, yang paling banyak support i after my family, through my worst days.

Lots of Love,

January 1, 2020

2020/1-Hello 2020!!!!

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah.

Awww i miss blogging so much :( i dont have time these days and my laptop pun not in a good condition hence why i dah lama gila tak update and the last time was like 2 months ago. So this year, marked my 10 years berblogging and this post adalah post i yang ke 100!!!!! *drum rolls* Alhamdulillah masih bertahan blog ni walaupun previous post banyak dah delete and i still menyesal sampai sekarang k lol. Macam biasa, i wanted to share my first post for 2020 ni with you guys and i ingat i tak sempat but hehe i sneak dekat office time rehat writing this. Dan macam biasa jugak, i can't even remember my last year punya resolution lol so this time i taknak buat any resolution dah. i nak follow the flow je...hopefully haha.

Nak recap balik 2019, i think, 2019 is one of toughest year for me. Tahun paling banyak mental breakdown kot haha. But i think the highlight of my 2019 adalah when i survived 1 year working dekat Shah Alam and i managed to share my rezeki with my parents, adikadik and families walaupun tak banyak but still alhamdulillah. So many good news received and vice versa. My loved ones got married, further study, dapat kerja, got enggaged and banyak lagi happy events. i lost some of my friends too. Al Fatihah.

Thankyou Allah for giving a really good year full with ups and downs. for me and my loved ones. Thankyou for the blessings and rezq You showered us this year. You kept us all healthy this year and paling penting, You still didn't test me by taking one of my important ones back to You yet and for that, i eternally grateful. i'm not ready for that :(

For 2020,
i'd like to have a happy and healthy life fill with Your love and blessing. nak move forward and explore more. Nak start travel in sha Allah and lets be realistic, as i nak masuk 25 next year, nak jumpa love of my life la pulak! May You guide me to whoever is best for me, and for all of you jugak hehe. if ada rezeki nak ada family, alhamdulillah, if not pun alhamdulillah i'll look for the good side. Not going to put any pressure on myself. 

For my family and friends, these people make me want to be a better muslim day by day, so please give whatever good for them. Grant them happiness, grant them the best that life can offer and paling paling penting! grant us a huge mansion in Jannah, side by side :') Please guide us all to embrace Islam as a whole so we'll get our happy ending in Your Jannah nanti.

i'm so ready for 2020.

Ahlan Wasahlan 2020.
Its a new chapter, so let it be a good one :)

Lots of Love,

October 31, 2019

2019/17 - Dear self, Happy 24th!

Salam & hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

So today, i am 24 years old and 4 days. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. Wow, 24 years old! This is how it feels to finally get there haha. Last year was lit. I was struggling with homesick and working life. On this day, one year ago, i just graduated. Look at me now, working phase dah almost one year dah in sha Allah this upcoming December. Time sure flies kan. I opened the doors to some new friendship and closed some doors on others. Met some talented people and spent more time with my family and those closest to me.

The truth is, i haven't got time to sit back and reflect on everything yang jadi for the past year haha lol. Look at me. i am twenty-four now wow still tak percaya haha. I am getting emotional ni ughhh. Thankyou for all the du'as and good words. I received tons of love from my family and friends alhamdulillah baik sangat semua orang doakan yang baik-baik untuk saya. May all the good dua's and words back to you guys and family too in sha Allah amin. Yang whatsapp, yang facetime nya lagi. Sedih, sebab happy sangat. i miss every single one of you sobs :( Thankyou for still remember me walaupun jarang sangat contact but still you guys punya effort to reach me on my birthday, i appreciate sangat sangat. i thank Allah swt for each of you. Thankyou for being kind and lovely. Paling penting, thankyou for existing.

i have been really tired and confused for the past month. So i decided to join these three masuk night of fright 7 dekat Sunway lagoon. Sumpah scary nak mampus. i don't know i yang penakut or that place memang scary lol but sumpah i jerit like for the whole session kot!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. It was fun, but i taknak repeat dah. Well, this isn't my first dramatic escape pun what do i expect kan. These three buat i gelak for the whole time, how could this not make me feel better. How could i still stress when i was surrounded by love and endless support.

You see, the older i get, the more i understand what it means to live my life to the fullest. I am older and more realistic now. Right now, i'm trying my best to simply figure out who i really am and i yakin, after this phase, i'll go through beyond this yang lagi macam macam. But for now, it's all about me. At the very least, time will bring change to the extent that i probably become stronger. A version that will need less and less help from people and able to handle things, for the most part, by myself in sha Allah.

I am happy now and i kind of hope to feel this way for a majority of my years. Maybe one day, i'll fully move on to adulthood but until then, lets just enjoy this moment kan. If i could speak to my younger self, i would tell me, "we're all going to get through when we get through. It will always be okay. Trust His plans". It's in moment like this, that i feel so proud of myself sebab i'm practicing what i preach and i feel good about it. 24 is maturing me hehe.

Okla. i nak balik Melaka jap lagi hehe. tak sabar. Itu je. Saja nak update blog after one month senyap ni haha. Doakan yang baik baik untuk i. I doakan yang baik-baik untuk you guys too in sha Allah.

Moga Syaimaa menjadi anak solehah umi ayah, kakak yang tak berkira dengan adik-adik, kawan yang selalu ikhlas membantu, dipertemukan jodoh yang terbaik untuk dunia dan akhiratnya dan disayangi serta disenangi orang sekelilingnya. Amin Ya Rabb. Amin.

Happy 24th dearself ❤😭

Lots of Love,