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February 21, 2021

2021/2 - Better days

Salam & hai.

Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.


I am not sad, but i am not happy either. If someone were to ask me how i feel, i tak tau nak jawab apa. i rasa kosong. i felt lost....and alone. Second MCO really hits me hard. It wasn't a new feeling pun. I had felt this way since i start pindah Shah Alam but now, lagi over kot. There's something yang bothering me. i wonder why i didn't feel better. i wish i could feel like everyone else. They seemed to have a content and happy life. Why can't i feel the same.

i am figuring and re-evaluating things right now. Reset everything back la kot. i used to have someone to talk to about my days for the past few months, but not anymore. temporary people, permanent hurt. my heart hurts soooo much, i didn't know pain like this existed and now had me in its very real gripThese new emotions are messing with my mind. Penat and this MCO make things worst. All i do everyday, lie and wonder why i didn't feel better. The things i usually enjoyed, no longer hold that same joy.

Tak apalah. i'll figure it out soon. For now, i will own up my emotions for myself. i hope, this will get easier and i will get the sense of control back. Seeing my loved ones happy, makes me happy. i wish all the happiness for them because they deserve it.

Praying for the woman i will be in future. i hope she is happy with her loved ones and doing what she loves.

i'm far from being myself lately and it concerns me. His plan is the best in sha Allah :)

Stay strong everyone yang tengah struggle jugak! and stay safe.

Lots of Love,
S

January 1, 2021

2021/1 - Hello 2021

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah.


Its been a while everyone. Last time i wrote for my 25th Birthday and that was 2 months ago lol. So macam biasa, i nak share my first post on new year with you guys untuk tahun ke 5 ni hiks. Masih consistent nampaknya. Dan macam biasa jugak, i can't even remember my last year punya resolution but rasanya takde hahaha so this year i ada few things i nak tick off in sha Allah i'll share bila tiba masanya. Minta doakan dipermudah semuanya ameen :)

Nak recap balik my 2020, well if you ada baca my last year punya new year post, i ada mention 2019 was a toughest year for me never that i know, 2020 lagi disaster genk. Kalau last year banyak mental breakdown sebab homesick baru pindah shah alam but still i boleh balik bebila i nak, this year punya homesick lagi kebaboom because of MCO. Dengan kereta rosak 4,5 kali, langgar kereta orang, keep making mistakes dekat office sampai rasa stress nak resign membuak buak tak tahan. Dengan my sleep cycle buat hal. Apa je yang okay masa tu. Hari hari nangis stress. Nasib baik ada family and friends yang keep tolong cheer me up, video call ajak borak. Thankyou semua. i survived sampai sekarang alhamdulillah :')

But despite all the negative things, banyak jugak positive things i dapat alhamdulillah. i rasa happy, i rasa content. i still bekerja full and get paid sedangkan ramai orang tengah struggle dengan kerja. i still cukup makan dekat rumah alhamdulillah. i masih ada family yang sentiasa support everything i buat and my close ones around me. Thankyou Allah, fo giving me a really good year full with ups and downs. Thankyou Allah, for blessing me with abundant of rezq and blessings. You showered me with sooooo many things this year i am so happy alhamdulillah. You kept me and my loved ones healthy and safe. Paling penting, you didn't test me by taking one of my important ones back to You yet and for that i really really really grateful.

For 2021,
ya Rabb, i'd like to ask for a happy and healthy life fill with Your love and blessings. i ask for a year that brings me more closer to You. i pray that You only takes me when You are most please with me. Last year, i mention nak start travel which obviously tak dapat sebab Covid. i also mention nak jumpa love of my life hahahahahaha what a joke!  But its okay. may You guide me to whoever is the best for me in sha Allah. If ada rezeki nak ada my own family, alhamdulillah. Not going to put any pressure on my 26 years self lol.

For my family and friends, please give them whatever good for them. Grant them happiness. grant them the best that life can offer and paling penting, grant us a huge mansion in Jannah side by side amin ya Rabb. Please guide us all to embrace Islam as a whole so we'll get our happy ending in Your Jannah nanti.

Ya Rabb, please grant me, my family and friends a good health. Keep us safe from this pandemic and virus. Bring us closer to You and bless us to trust in You and only You. Shower us with mercy and wrap us in your protection. Protect us from despair and pain. Whatever You have willed for us, we will accept it as You only test those who You love so dearly.

Aamin.

itu je kot for now. jap lagi after subuh i nak balik Melaka hihi. Thankyou everyone for still baca my blog. This year marked my 11 years berblogging alhamdulillah. Not sure sampai bila boleh tahan blog ni tapi i sayang sangat huhu. Okay la.

i'm so ready for 2021....kot hahaha!

Happy New Year everyone!! Stay safe!

Lots of Love,
S

October 27, 2020

2020/9 - Dear self, Happy 25th.

 Salam & hai.

Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.


I am writing this post pukul 1.18am pagi 27th October 2020. My 25th birthday. i've been crying the whole day since they announced CMCO sambung for selangor sampai sakit kepala and now i cannot sleep. cengeng betul. but to be honest, sedih. sedih sangat. patutnya i balik rumah today after kerja and celebrate my birthday with my loved ones. The past few weeks tough sangat for me. i dont think i can handle any CMCO effect on me. Last March dah cukup disaster dah. all those schewpid clown, i seriously have no idea how diorang boleh hidup tanpa rasa serba salah dekat rakyat yang struggle.

Anyways, happy 25th birthday my dearself. five more years untuk sampai thirty. looks like you gotta celebrate your birthday all alone this year. i seriously dah takde rasa apa dah, my heart hurts sooo much. The weight on my chest somehow feels a little heavier to carry but life must goes on kan. esok i masuk office. cancel all cuti i dah apply for the second freaking time sebab all those clown yang tak habis menyusahkan rakyat.

As i step into another year of my life, i make du'a to be a better muslim in all aspects of my life. i nak live my life to the fullest with faith and His blessings. Gotta do what i need to do. Nak lebih open on oppurtunity and open up my heart more. i have a good circle now. Just the right amount of people whom i trust and love, that always have my back. be kind always Syaimaa and never take life for granted. Be the one who puts a smile on others and guard those who love you most. Most important things, continue to grow and be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself coz no one will do it better for you.

Moga Syaimaa menjadi anak solehah umi ayah, kakak yang tak berkira, kawan yang sentiasa menyenangkan dan dipertemukan jodoh yang terbaik untuk agama dan kehidupannya dunia akhirat. in sha Allah. Please make du'a for me everyone. may all the good du'as back to you guys jugak in sha Allah thankyou :)

Be happy, always, Syaimaa.

Gonna go rest my 25-year-old sleepy self now. Esok kerja lol.

p/s: Please make du'a to my parents. Because of them, i am who i am today biiznillah.

(Please stay safe everyone!)

Lots of Love,
S

October 14, 2020

2020/8 - Hiking Bukit Sapu Tangan

 Salam & hai.

Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

Last month, me and my friends went for hiking dekat Bukit Sapu Tangan, Its been a while since the last time i went for hiking, probably last on 2018 kot before i graduated. So basically, kitorang plan a week before, sebab nak pergi on weekdays la kan but unfortunately those who stay Selangor mesti tau how pathetic kes air dekat Selangor ni ugh, and by the time hari yang kitorang patut pergi tu, ada gangguan bekalan air for almost 4 freaking days. So kitorang tukar plan from hiking to staycation dekat bangi sekelip mata haha. But anyways, kitorang pergi jugak hiking on Malaysia Day! 16th September 2020. It was fun. Walaupun barai teruk rasa nak menangis but all good everyone. No unnecessary drama.

For those yang stay Shah Alam and looking for place untuk hiking, Bukit Sapu Tangan is a must especially for beginner. Jangan tanya about trail sebab i seriously have no idea which trail kitorang ambik but i rasa the trail yang kitorang pilih yang paling mencabar. We start hiking at 8.00 am and sampai dekat peak garden almost 10.00 am kot lepas tu lepak jap before turun (ke naik haha) mirror lake pulak around 11.00 macam tu. Lepak kejap then ambik gambar lepas tu gerak balik and sampai bawah balik around 1 lebih jugak sebab masa kitorang jalan ke kereta tu azan Zohor dah. So, total time dalam 5 hours jugak la tu pun naik relax tak rush and banyak lepak.

Oh btw kitorang punya entrance dekat area kawasan perumahan and park dekat Surau At Taqwa. Masa naik and turun memang banyak kena support badan guna pokok and thats when we spotted some tree branches full of thorns. So hati hati sikit la before throw your badan ke pokok for support, make sure cari pokok yang clear. And masa tu pagi baru hujan, so the track a bit licin and muddy jadi sila pakai kasut yang sesuai sebelum you jatuh tergolek sepuluh kali haha.

i enjoyed myself soooo much. Walaupun penat sangat, and i kept on chanting "aku taknak dah hiking" but when the time comes, i akan pergi hiking lagi lol. Memang everytime hiking pun akan rasa nak give up and rasa macam kenapa la orang suka buat benda penat ni haha but i'll end up naik lagi bukit. Bukit lagi la sekarang, gunung tak mampu lagi.

Okay thats it kot. Saja rant out something sebab rasa dah lama tak update. Soooo many things happened tapi takde masa nak rant out dekat sini :( i'll try update lagi banyak before end of the year at least ada 10 la entry i this year hopefully haha. Sebab everytime i miss everyone, i miss my old days, i'll either baca balik my blog or tengok balik all the videos i made. haih, time sure flies.

Stay safe everyone.

p/s: Currently Selangor tengah PKPB again. Please doakan i can survive tak macam the first MCO hari tu yang disaster. Ingat balik pun i dah start stress lol. Hopefully better la kali ni.

Lots of Love,
S

September 9, 2020

2020/7 - Nani

Salam & hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.


Last 2 weeks, my childhood buddy got married alhamdulillah. Such a beautiful wedding, beautiful bride & groom. Eh semua lah beautiful haha. To be honest, i feel so grown up seeing this one getting married lol. Maybe sebab i was there since the very beginning walaupun tak lah selalu contact pun. Since sekolah rendah up to sekolah menengah, uni days and now working phase. 18 years punya friendship fuh. It feels like we've been speaking about this day since forever haha. When we first met, never that we know we would spend the next 18 years (and more in sha Allah) navigating all the ups and downs in our lives together. We didn't know we will come to a point discussing about each other wedding preparation haha (at this rate, wedding dia la mine and ummi soon in sha Allah hihi).

But over the years, despite the miles, sorang dekat Kuantan, sorang dekat Shah Alam and sorang dekat Titiwangsa, we have laughed so hard, we have cried together, we have celebrated our successes and mourned our failures together. We have been each other support system apa apa je terus amuk kat whatsapp lol. i thought we are still young untuk ke phase macam ni, starting families of our own haha clearly not! since we are approaching thirty in 5 years.

So that day, standing there with you, watching you marry Qib, fills me with so much joy alhamdulillah. With Qib, i know he will make you happy and take care of you for the rest of your life. i had never had to worry about him, tapi aku risau kau ni haha. Eventhough i wish we could go back to the days where kita banyak main je instead fikir pasal nak jadi dewasa ni, i am sooo happy you've found your soulmate. To Qib, you have won over my girl's heart. i hope you will support and love her till forever and please know i am not going anywhere. Oh and please know she has some gangsta girls who are going to back her up anytime, anywhere.

Nani, while i will miss our single days, i am so happy for you. so much. Semoga menjadi isteri yang solehah dan membentuk keluarga sakinah. Onti Imah tunggu you two punya junior okieeee!

Till then, love you!

Lots of Love,
S