October 27, 2020

2020/9 - Dear self, Happy 25th.

 Salam & hai.

Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.

I am writing this post pukul 1.18am pagi 27th October 2020. My 25th birthday. i've been crying the whole day since they announced CMCO sambung for selangor sampai sakit kepala and now i cannot sleep. cengeng betul. but to be honest, sedih. sedih sangat. patutnya i balik rumah today after kerja and celebrate my birthday with my loved ones. The past few weeks tough sangat for me. i dont think i can handle any CMCO effect on me. Last March dah cukup disaster dah. all those schewpid clown, i seriously have no idea how diorang boleh hidup tanpa rasa serba salah dekat rakyat yang struggle.

Anyways, happy 25th birthday my dearself. five more years untuk sampai thirty. looks like you gotta celebrate your birthday all alone this year. i seriously dah takde rasa apa dah, my heart hurts sooo much. The weight on my chest somehow feels a little heavier to carry but life must goes on kan. esok i masuk office. cancel all cuti i dah apply for the second freaking time sebab all those clown yang tak habis menyusahkan rakyat.

As i step into another year of my life, i make du'a to be a better muslim in all aspects of my life. i nak live my life to the fullest with faith and His blessings. Gotta do what i need to do. Nak lebih open on oppurtunity and open up my heart more. i have a good circle now. Just the right amount of people whom i trust and love, that always have my back. be kind always Syaimaa and never take life for granted. Be the one who puts a smile on others and guard those who love you most. Most important things, continue to grow and be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself coz no one will do it better for you.

Moga Syaimaa menjadi anak solehah umi ayah, kakak yang tak berkira, kawan yang sentiasa menyenangkan dan dipertemukan jodoh yang terbaik untuk agama dan kehidupannya dunia akhirat. in sha Allah. Please make du'a for me everyone. may all the good du'as back to you guys jugak in sha Allah thankyou :)

Be happy, always, Syaimaa.

Gonna go rest my 25-year-old sleepy self now. Esok kerja lol.

p/s: Please make du'a to my parents. Because of them, i am who i am today biiznillah.

(Please stay safe everyone!)

Lots of Love,

October 14, 2020

2020/8 - Hiking Bukit Sapu Tangan

 Salam & hai.

Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

Last month, me and my friends went for hiking dekat Bukit Sapu Tangan, Its been a while since the last time i went for hiking, probably last on 2018 kot before i graduated. So basically, kitorang plan a week before, sebab nak pergi on weekdays la kan but unfortunately those who stay Selangor mesti tau how pathetic kes air dekat Selangor ni ugh, and by the time hari yang kitorang patut pergi tu, ada gangguan bekalan air for almost 4 freaking days. So kitorang tukar plan from hiking to staycation dekat bangi sekelip mata haha. But anyways, kitorang pergi jugak hiking on Malaysia Day! 16th September 2020. It was fun. Walaupun barai teruk rasa nak menangis but all good everyone. No unnecessary drama.

For those yang stay Shah Alam and looking for place untuk hiking, Bukit Sapu Tangan is a must especially for beginner. Jangan tanya about trail sebab i seriously have no idea which trail kitorang ambik but i rasa the trail yang kitorang pilih yang paling mencabar. We start hiking at 8.00 am and sampai dekat peak garden almost 10.00 am kot lepas tu lepak jap before turun (ke naik haha) mirror lake pulak around 11.00 macam tu. Lepak kejap then ambik gambar lepas tu gerak balik and sampai bawah balik around 1 lebih jugak sebab masa kitorang jalan ke kereta tu azan Zohor dah. So, total time dalam 5 hours jugak la tu pun naik relax tak rush and banyak lepak.

Oh btw kitorang punya entrance dekat area kawasan perumahan and park dekat Surau At Taqwa. Masa naik and turun memang banyak kena support badan guna pokok and thats when we spotted some tree branches full of thorns. So hati hati sikit la before throw your badan ke pokok for support, make sure cari pokok yang clear. And masa tu pagi baru hujan, so the track a bit licin and muddy jadi sila pakai kasut yang sesuai sebelum you jatuh tergolek sepuluh kali haha.

i enjoyed myself soooo much. Walaupun penat sangat, and i kept on chanting "aku taknak dah hiking" but when the time comes, i akan pergi hiking lagi lol. Memang everytime hiking pun akan rasa nak give up and rasa macam kenapa la orang suka buat benda penat ni haha but i'll end up naik lagi bukit. Bukit lagi la sekarang, gunung tak mampu lagi.

Okay thats it kot. Saja rant out something sebab rasa dah lama tak update. Soooo many things happened tapi takde masa nak rant out dekat sini :( i'll try update lagi banyak before end of the year at least ada 10 la entry i this year hopefully haha. Sebab everytime i miss everyone, i miss my old days, i'll either baca balik my blog or tengok balik all the videos i made. haih, time sure flies.

Stay safe everyone.

p/s: Currently Selangor tengah PKPB again. Please doakan i can survive tak macam the first MCO hari tu yang disaster. Ingat balik pun i dah start stress lol. Hopefully better la kali ni.

Lots of Love,

September 9, 2020

2020/7 - Nani

Salam & hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.

Last 2 weeks, my childhood buddy got married alhamdulillah. Such a beautiful wedding, beautiful bride & groom. Eh semua lah beautiful haha. To be honest, i feel so grown up seeing this one getting married lol. Maybe sebab i was there since the very beginning walaupun tak lah selalu contact pun. Since sekolah rendah up to sekolah menengah, uni days and now working phase. 18 years punya friendship fuh. It feels like we've been speaking about this day since forever haha. When we first met, never that we know we would spend the next 18 years (and more in sha Allah) navigating all the ups and downs in our lives together. We didn't know we will come to a point discussing about each other wedding preparation haha (at this rate, wedding dia la mine and ummi soon in sha Allah hihi).

But over the years, despite the miles, sorang dekat Kuantan, sorang dekat Shah Alam and sorang dekat Titiwangsa, we have laughed so hard, we have cried together, we have celebrated our successes and mourned our failures together. We have been each other support system apa apa je terus amuk kat whatsapp lol. i thought we are still young untuk ke phase macam ni, starting families of our own haha clearly not! since we are approaching thirty in 5 years.

So that day, standing there with you, watching you marry Qib, fills me with so much joy alhamdulillah. With Qib, i know he will make you happy and take care of you for the rest of your life. i had never had to worry about him, tapi aku risau kau ni haha. Eventhough i wish we could go back to the days where kita banyak main je instead fikir pasal nak jadi dewasa ni, i am sooo happy you've found your soulmate. To Qib, you have won over my girl's heart. i hope you will support and love her till forever and please know i am not going anywhere. Oh and please know she has some gangsta girls who are going to back her up anytime, anywhere.

Nani, while i will miss our single days, i am so happy for you. so much. Semoga menjadi isteri yang solehah dan membentuk keluarga sakinah. Onti Imah tunggu you two punya junior okieeee!

Till then, love you!

Lots of Love,

July 30, 2020

2020/6 - Taekwando

Salam and hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

Taekwando has been part of my life since i was 9 and that was 16 years ago. The one and only my favourite activity because obviously i wont get into any real fight kan so masa class taekwando je boleh acah bantai orang haha k jokeeee! 

When i started at white belt, i enjoyed myself sooo much. Kebanyakan my friend masuk kejap je lepas tu tak tahan, keluar. Evey week pergi training dekat sekolah, weekend pulak sambung dekat dewan. It was sooo much fun back then. If i have to miss taekwando class for any reason, i jadi tak seronok, feel like i missed out on something and nak tunggu the next class tu fuhh sumpah rasa lama haha. i learned sooo many things tau like proper stances, proper blocks, sparring training and self defense techniques. Everything is not as easy as it seems when you kena buat proper techniques and method. Even bila you buat pattern pun ada swing dia to make your steps look more powerful. So each year, i akan at least ambik 2-3 test untuk dapat another rank. From white belt, to white-yellow, yellow, yellow-green, green, green-blue, blue, blue-red, red, red-black and black belt!

It took me a while to prepare for my black belt test. Practice breaking boards paling tough i rasa sebab test my kicking technique and strength. Sparring and pattern i dah biasa masuk tornament so not a really big deal for me. But alhamdulillah, i dapat my 1st Dan Black Belt when i was 14. 1st Dan rank ni penting k sebab baru you boleh rasa you senior compare to belt lain walaupun obviously colour belt pun still based on ranking jugak haha and yes, you get much more respect compare to others. When you reach senior belt, you are expected to ajar your junior. By the end of class, after you lead junior bowing to your master, junior will bow back to you. Bowing means the act of lowering the torso and head as a social gesture or respect. Bows are used when begin and end class, sparring bouts and during tornament.

My favourite thing to do ofcoz sparring! i joined few tornaments and alhamdulillah everytime pun bawa balik medal. Sakit ofcoz haha everytime balik tornament, bengkak sana, bengkak sini and paling worst pun retak la belum pernah patah lagi tapi rasa puas. All the pain rasa worth tau. Taekwando banyak improve myself as it makes me more confident. So i memang pasang impian nak jadi wakil Malaysia if possible hehe coz the highest level i pergi tornament was wakil negeri. So i thought, if i teruskan taekwando dekat UPM, the chances to join Malaysian team lagi tinggi. By the time i prepare untuk join tornament for MASUM which the opportunity for me untuk compete masuk team Malaysia, i did went to few tornament jugak and never that i know, i akan stop taekwando forever before i sempat masuk MASUM. 

My second tornament before Masum, i pergi and my hand retak, kaki pun bengkak. But sebenarnya memang everytime after tornament pun i akan kena benda yang sama but this time lain. Few weeks pun still sakit and thats when doktor cakap i takboleh main taekwando atas faktor kesihatan. Fuhh sakit beb. The first two years was tough. i like macam takboleh terima. sebab benda yang you sayang, you suka since kecik tiba tiba you takboleh buat dah. Lost kejap. Tengok orang pakai uniform i rasa nak nangis. Dulu, if i stress pun i akan pergi taekwando untuk release stress. So, i pergi jugak untuk training je and not preparing for any tornament dah and after few months, i jadi stress sebab orang lain training untuk tornament and i takboleh pergi, so i stop. sampai sekarang. And that was 5 yeas ago huhu now i am all good. 

Cumanya kalau ternampak gambar lama, i rasa rindu sangat but takde rasa nak join dah. i bukan muda lagi takkan nak kick sana punch sini lagi kan. i dah stop lama dah. If suruh i sparing sekarang pun i tak yakin i boleh buat dah. My flexibility pun dah kelaut but alhamdulillah for the memories i treasued them a lot. i really hope my kids (if i have any in future) akan join taekwando jugak. Mungkin boleh sambung hasrat i nak jadi wakil Malaysia haha.

p/s: when i was a white belt, selalu rasa cooool gila senior black belt. Lepas i dapat my black belt, wow i rasa betul betul cooool haha dasar lo.

Take care and stay safe everyone!

Lots of Love,

July 10, 2020

2020/5 - Beautiful Life

Salam & hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

July dah alhamdulillah. Half of the year dah selamat, another half to go before masuk 2021 which means Syaimaa gonna be twenty six soon. Scawyyyyy haha. Some of my friend dah ke another phase. Marriage phase. Bertunang phase and ada jugak yang dah nak grad Master. Alhamdulillah. I am and still working dekat Shah Alam and masih belum ada tanda-tanda nak pindah. But anyways, i am enjoying my life to the fullest right now. i dah kerja and ada life. i don't like chaos. My life is orderly. It's logical most of the time. Selagi benda boleh settle, kita settle. 

People around me are having some life issues. Relationship and mental state issues to be specific. For better and worse, its changed my perception on relationship. You know as i am now soon to be not-so-young-twenty-six-years-old ahjumma haha, i see relationship as practice for marriage. Among the countless people in the world, we build relationships with certain people and settle down. When people are in relationships, they become each other priorities. Tak kisah la dah betunang or kahwin or plan towards it (may Allah eases your way!). The key is trust. i can't imagine spending your whole life consumed by jealousy and no trust. An open and clear communication is the main remedy for a lot of problems in this world haha.The idea of marriage feels good and awful, all at the same time but i don't want to die old and alone lol. i guess, just like the overused cliche, when you know, you know. it just has to be the right person kan.

The thing is, jodoh, ajal dan maut ni kan completely out of our control. if you make du'a that everything would go as planned, then it's already qadr. Relax. It's in moments like this that i feel so proud of myself coz i'm practicing what i preach chewaaahhhh! i'm not losing my mind dah everytime orang tanya "bila nak kahwin" and i feel good about it. i still didn't know what loving other people instead of my family and friends felt like. if i didn't feel it, could it really exist? i wasn't sure.

so i buat conclusion, i am not ready for any komitmen buat masa sekarang and who knows when i akan ready hahahaha yang i tau, bukan sekarang! But to be honest, i am having a real hard time about turning 26 next year lol but again, not going to put any pressure on myself. it feels good, to write something like this once in a while. To remember how it feels to be in this spot. i am enjoying my life. These single years, this inexplicable journey, will shape my future and most important, my character for the best in sha Allah. i still have this innate trust that everything will turn out all right.

After all, i am happy now and i hope to feel this way (or better) for the rest of my life in sha Allah :)

p/s: i hope to find someone who can handle a  lifetime subscription to my crap :P

Take care everyone! stay safe.

Lots of Love,