September 5, 2017

2017/20 - Dear Yaya

Salam and hai.
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.


i just got the news.
Masih tengah nak hadamkan lagi.
Allahuakbar.

Yaya,
one of my favourite junior dekat Samura. Junior naqibah. she was supposed to ganti me as one of Amirah Lujnah (jawatan dalam MT badar) but i chose Nisa instead as she got another higher position dalam MT Badar. Junior paling baik, paling sopan, paling kuat senyum, paling kuat sakat, paling manis, paling muslimah, paling ayu( +gengster sikit) that i ever met. Dia sangat sangat sangat manja dan antara junior yg i rapat (after my adik katil)

But hari ni (4/9/2017),
baru dapat tau yang Yaya dah tiada bila shakirah post dekat group. Yaya dah kembali bertemu pencipta dia. Accident. i saw the news before dekat fb. tapi sebab load lambat sangat, i skipped without tau pasal apa berita itu. i scrolled FB and jumpa banyak gambar dekat scene. One of the picture i can see her tersepit dalam kereta. Ya Allah. bila tau tu, habis semua imbasan wajah Yaya kembali dalam ingatan. Semua tengah senyum. Takpernah lagi nampak dia masam ke sedih ke tarik muka ke. sedih. sedih sangat. Good people like this one, i'm so so so so blessed Alhamdulillah, to cross path with.

Yaya kalau jumpa i dekat sekolah, or time nak pergi usrah dengan ustaz/ustazah dekat surau or meeting naqib/naqibah, kat DM ke kat mana2 lah, the first thing dia akan cakap "Assalamualaikum kakak muslimah saya apa khabar hari ni" sambil angkat tangan acah acah pakcik2 hahaha. Kalau habis meeting/usrah dekat surau pulak, dia mesti akan cakap, "kakak muslimah saya jumpa kat syurga tau!//Okay Ya, jumpa syurga!" acah acah angkat tangan lagi macam pakcik2. hahaha.

Yaya baik sangat. Semua orang cakap Yaya baik. Takde lagi yang kakak baca buruk2 pasal Yaya. Diorang kata Yaya selalu tolong diorang. Yaya selalu spread positive vibes dekat orang. Yaya selalu senyum sampai orang yang taknak senyum pun jadi senyum. Terima kasih Yaya, jadi sebahagian dari memori kakak. Terima kasih banyak ajar kakak secara tak langsung menghargai islam. Yaya kata nak jumpa suatu hari nanti. Mungkin bukan kat dunia kan Ya, kita jumpa kat syurga eh! macam yang selalu kita doa sesama. 

Selesai dah perjalan adik muslimah kakak dekat dunia ni. Berehat lah adik kakak. Berehat dengan tenang di sana di samping pencipta mu. Moga senyuman Yaya dan setiap kebaikan yang Yaya lakukan di dunia ni diberi ganjaran lebih olehNya in sha Allah. kakak doa syurga buat Yaya. Moga Yaya ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yang beriman in sha Allah amin. Terima kasih untuk semuanya Ya! Moga family Yaya kuat menghadapi semua ni.

Kita jumpa dekat syurga eh Ya!
Doakan kakak.

Barakallah,
Kakak muslimah Yaya ❤

August 17, 2017

2017/18 - Budak Intern

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.

i miss those smile hehe
Pejam celik, dah 7 minggu intern dekat Hospital Melaka ni. Day by day, i started to feel blessed being attached here hehe. Alhamdulillah, thankyou Allah for all the blessings You have blessed me with. During my intern dekat lab microbs and histology, i'm not in my best state. Demam, batuk, selsema for the whole two weeks. By this time you guys should know, i sangat sangat sangat lembik if tak sihat. Maybe sebab environment kan dealing with things that you can't see with your naked eyes. Memang dekat fakulti pun, my immune system takboleh nak tolerate dengan environment microbs ni haaaaaaaa lahaaaii. But alhamdulillah, everything went well and dah sihat dah sekarang.

Result. Result untuk sem 6 dah selamat keluar last friday (11/8/2017) and alhamdulillah, thumma alhamdulillah untuk semuanya. Rasa nak nangis (dah nangis dah pun hahaha). For the past 3 years, rasanya inilah result yang terbaik i pernah dapat (but i still need to work harder next semester untuk kejar apa yang patut hehe in sha Allah doakan!). My parents pun okay, itu dah cukup dah! Thankyou Allah ❤

i'm getting too old and i'm too tired for another friendship breakup. But then, i still can't control people. no matter how good i am to them, i know, obviously, tak semestinya they will treat me the same kan. no matter how much they mean to me (obviously tooooo much lol), tak semestinya they will value me the same. Takpe. i don't mind. i've been through those things once (if you guys follow me from beginning, you mungkin ada came across few posts pasal my friendship breakup before ni tp banyak i dah delete). It takes me 2 and half years of dramas and tears to be into a better shape back and alhamdulillah, i'm all good now and i'm not planning to go through it again this time. i don't chase people anymore. if your only way to express your frustration is through ignoring me, teruskanπŸ˜” but please know, i expect more trust from you, becoz i trust you that much too and if you still mcm ni, you end up reminding me why i should never trust anyone at all.

my feelings are mixed up and i know this tak stabil emosi will end reallyyy soon. i understand there are days when you need someone, and i'm not there for you. Please forgive me if i've accidentally hurt you with my actions and words. i am neither perfect, nor good. i still learn how to be a better muslim/person/friend/daughter each day.

Ya Rabb,
my heart always reminds me of people who have made me smile and brought even the smallest happiness into my life. Please let me remember them in my du'as. Please help them in their matters, as nothing is impossible for You. Amin.

8 more days, and i'm no longer BUDAK INTERN!! hehe 🌈✨πŸŽ‰

Barakallah,
Lots of love,
S❤

July 22, 2017

2017/17 - Dont Judge Me

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤


3 minggu dah start intern kat hospital Melaka, and alhamdulillah, everything was just fine. adat la budak intern ni kekadang kena marah, tak dilayan, kena sound pedas hahahaha. But masa week 3 hari tu, me and syazana (my intern partner merangkap my roomate) were assigned to Kaunter Utama and kat situ rasanya highlight for our intern sepanjang 3 minggu ni kot. We had so much fun there, kak Yan, kak Aera and encik2 kat sana were sooooo nice alhamdulillah and they treat us like family❤🌈 Hampir2 bertemu jodoh kat sana hahahaha awkward moment jap πŸ’…πŸ€£

i said this many time dah, life as grown up is not fun. Yes, ofcoz we can inspired by others, but the sooner we accept that we are all created differently, the easier we can focus on ourself and understand others better. Baru2 ni, someone said i have changed. i wonder if i have truly changed. i can't focus to everyone. i can't help everyone. Its hard to be responsible for others happiness all the time. Yes, we grew up together, saw each other membesar dengan jayanya, went through scary exams together but we're at different stage of our lives now. We met different people and have different friends who the rest have never met. You guys can't expect me to make you happy all the time. πŸ‘­πŸ‘­πŸ‘­πŸ‘­

I can't be physically and emotionally available for you guys all the time. When i was at my lowest point, struggling with my study here, fighting with my emotional state, jatuh bangun sakit i, my so called new friends were there to give me support. But i still  faham that you guys can't always be there for me tp tak semestinya you guys tak kisah about me kan. same goes to me too. Maybe at the time you guys minta tolong or need me, i have more important stuff to do, so i can't reply/help on the spot. But trust me, if you matter a lot to me, i'll get back to you sooner or later. Please don't judge me. Please, accept me completely for who i am. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜„✨

I still care and always will. Sumpah, i'm not the type of person yang senang2 nak let people walk out of my life and pretend that they don't matter anymore. Once you're in my life, you're there forever and i meant it. That is the type of person i am and you should know that. In friendship, i always feel like i dont have much to offer but with whatever little that i have, i will surely give my all and no friend of mine ever need to beg while i am still around. Lets make good du'a for each others and wish for each other's happiness (+goodness), becoz when we do that, Allah swt will give us the same, if not, more! if not in this life, kat akhirat nanti in sha Allah. πŸ˜πŸ˜˜πŸ’•

My days are limited and no human being will ever be eternal in this dunya. The fact that i was able to live my life right now, surrounded by loving family and friends, was the most absolute amazing baraqah in my entire life alhamdulillah. i just hope, biiznillah, one day, i can work on being someone you guys can lean on in sha Allah. πŸ˜”πŸŒˆ

i may not be with you,
but you'll always be in my du'a❤
You guys will always be here, in my heart, dari dulu, kini dan selamanya.

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
S❤

July 12, 2017

2017/16 - Happy Birthday, Dila ❤

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤


Its Dila's 22nd birthday semalam and sumpah, i was soooo busy (budak intern kan) and ingat nak wish malam before 12 and end up i tidoooooo bahahahaha *smack myself lol* She is one of my favourite people sejak asasi up till now and till forever in sha Allah hehe.

Perempuan ni, i tak pernah nampak dia menangis in front of me for any reason (kecuali bila i nak pindah kolej 17, she cried! terharu gak lah masa tu hahahaha boooo dila). She acts tough outside, but deep down i know, hati gegadis gak ni hahahaha. She always smiles and always always always makes time for me. Another angel sent from Allah swt for me in this life. Cuma dia ni kuat jeles tahap petala lapan kau jangan la memain dengan dia πŸ˜› nawwhhh but i still love her hehe 😘😍Tak pernah menyusahkan, kehadiran dia sentiasa menyenangkan. Despite the facts that i have a lot of friends in my life, dia ni one of yang i nak kawan sampai tua dan nyanyuk bersama nanti! hopefully, kat syurga pun jumpa kembali in sha Allah.

Dila,
Happy 22nd birthdayy! may you grow to be a good muslimah, strong in imaan, loved by many and always kind to others. i've seen you go through some tough days for the past 4 years, but masha Allah, you always amaze me at how you can still smile and act like takde apa yang jadi. i'm so proud of how far you have come in life now. i will always pray for good things to come your way becoz you have such a big heart and you deserve all the happiness in this world and hereafter nanti.

Kahwin dengan Kama jemput aku plis.
Dah habis belajar, jangan lupa aku plissss πŸ˜­πŸ˜”

#Selamat22 Dila,
love you fillah 🌈

Barakallah,
Lots of love,
S❤

July 8, 2017

2017/15 - One more down

Assalamualaikum & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.


Last week, my cousin kahwin. Cousin yang dah macam kakak sendiri dah. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. i'm so happy for her. Finally, she met someone that can look after her lepas ni. Barakallah kak ina and abang Safwan. May you both have a happy marriage fill with His blessings and will guide and hold each other hands in this life and hereafter nanti.  Lepas tu macam biasa la, di tanya2 bila pulak kaklong yang sorang ni. Dah berpunya ke belum. Umur berapa nak kahwin. blerghhh. It's funny. Why people soooo curious bila orang nak kahwin. When the time comes, pufff i'll invite you guys don't worry (tapi tak tau la bila hehe)

i want good things to come my way. Ofcoz, nak kahwin tu one of my wish la if ada jodoh dekat dunia. Bila tu, only He knows hahahaha. i, if sedar TERcrush kat orang pun cepat2 block semua social media from that particular person. Tak pernah stalk any social media dia and tak pernah nak tau anything pasal dia hahahaha lol. Why? becoz, i don't want falling and hoping for the wrong guy. Kalau TERnampak ke TERserempak tu nasib la kan. But, serious talk, up till now, i belum lagi jumpa someone yang "okay, he's the one" gitchuwwwww πŸ˜‚πŸ˜›

Many people would label me as someone yang very comfortable with myself. But the reality is, i've struggled with myself confidence since i was kid. People have no idea how hard i am trying to fit in and balancing my emotional state. Becoz of that, i never learned how to match my behaviour with how i was actually feeling on the inside. i never learned how to work through my emotions dah. i rasa ni la sebab why i still can't find a suitable guy (btw, i'm looking for someone yang sopan inside out and soleh dalaman. kalau luaran pun soleh, bonus la hehe) i'm tooooo independent. i boleh buat everything by my own hahahaha k over takdela semua lol but becoz i've gotten so used of being the protector and do everything by my own, i haven't really learned how to be taken care of awwwwwww.

Today, so many people are let down by those who claim to love them. Kes cerai pun banyak. Kes pukul isteri lagi. Kes curang nya. Allahu. i don't understand people. You claim you love them but you hurt them. if we really love someone, we sure don't want to hurt them kan. The moment you give someone your heart, that's it! they will have the authority to break it, to destroy and crush it into the last piece. Sweet word are easy to say, but sweet people are difficult to find. Don't worry too much, when you stay on the right path and the time is right, the right person will appear in sha Allah. Call me old style, but i still believe this hehe

Let me tell you something. i always scared of a lot of things these days and one of it ni lah, getting married. i scared tooooo much that the only thing i could do is to pray that i will always do good and i believe i am strong enough to wait for what i deserve. Someday, i know, someone will walk into my life and make me realize why it never worked with anyone else.

True love is worth waiting for.

So for now, i really really really am not going to care about what others have to say becoz my main purpose in this life is to please my Maker. i know i will have to take baby steps day by day but i'll make sure to enjoy this baby steps at my own pace. The path to Him is long and my goal is to die upon the path of Him.

Life is a balance between world and hereafter kan, between dunya and akhirat. Allah knows i am far from balancing these things but at least i could start trying and with this in mind, i hope my blog will continously remind myself to reach this balance, in sha Allah!

ihfazillah yahfazka, Kita jaga hak Allah, Allah jaga hak kita πŸ˜˜πŸ€—

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
S❤