August 30, 2021

2021/5 - Be happy, sis

Salam & hai.
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.


Hari ni scroll album fb. Baru perasan semua album degree. Asasi satu pun takde. Dulu banyak sangat simpan gambar masa asasi, tapi sebab laptop lama rosak, habis hilang semua tak sempat backup :(

Hahaha anyways. Scroll group kuliah sekali. i baru tau i exco kerohanian masa asasi wow. Ingat jadi badar dekat sekolah je tak ingat pulak asasi pun ada every week remind usrah session tau. Persoalannya, mana pegi kerohanian saya sekarang haha. In sha Allah, the goal is to be better. Setiap hari doa nak jadi lebih baik hihihuhu.

Cakap pasal asasi, i miss everyone. i miss all the moments we had together. Asasi was fun. i rasa free. i rasa happy. Walaupun zaman asasi hurt me the most haha but i enjoy dengan kawan kawan lain. And cakap pasal asasi jugak, ofcourse i akan ingat this one particular person. Always and forever la kot i akan ingat. A good friend of mine suatu masa dulu. That one person i was supposed to be able to count on for anything. The one that always look out for me but the next thing i knew, we were growing further and further and further apart. From being inseperable to complete strangers. Even though we are no longer friend, i could never hate you. i have tried. i thought it would be easier. i was hurt but you were once my bestest buddy so i couldn't bring myself to do it. i hope you still think of me on occasion kehkeh.

No worries. i dah completely move on dah. Cuma after scroll fb tiba teringat. i guess that's life. Nothing is constant and no one owes you anything. Dulu, i selalu scroll through photos of us. i see old conversations dekat facebook/twitter and laugh. Whenever i see something that reminds me of you seperti kucingggggg or an inside joke, i almost send it to you. But after yearssss, the sadness and hurt are fading. This was a friendship i don't want to lose until i have been hurt too many times and need to let go for my own sanity and protection. Was it hard? Yes. but not as hard as holding on to someone. i was devastated for few years wallahi my close friend will testify haha. Looking back now, it's funny!

Banyak benda dah jadi and life has changed drastically. We drifted. Life went on. i hope you're happy because i really make du'a for you. Know that i cherish the memories we made. Sentimental people like me tend to hold on to memories because memories don't change even if people do. Years have passed and i ada new bestfriends that i couldn't be happier with because they built me up. They made me believe on friendship that goes all the way into senior citizens can exist. The friends that will be here for more of my big life moments. i used to think that it would last that long with you too hihi tapi takpelah. 

Thankyou, for showing me that people come into our lives for a reason and they may not always stay. The lessons learnt are a blessing, anyway. i tak attach to people sangat now. That's the boundary i've drawn for myself. Thankyou, for being the best friend i needed during that part of my life. Honestly, i didn't think i would write another post about you dah sebab all the time has passed and the last time pun on 2018 kot i mention. i dah tak bitter because we're adults now and benda ni macam a distant memory je. I am grateful for you. I am grateful for our temporary friendship. After all, you really brought joy and growth in my life. I grew as a person hihi.

Be happy sis. Always!

Lots of Love,
Syaimaa.

August 15, 2021

2021/4 - Blessed moment

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah. 

Hari ni i counter goosebump moment. Banyak je before before ni tapi hari ni nak buat blog sebab macam perlu di blog haha. Oh btw, last time i update daily cases Covid 5-6K per day kan now dah 20-21K cases per day. 5-6K tu Selangor sahaja. At this point, rasa macam tunggu masa je nak kena. But alhamdulillah, i dah fully vaccinated! Cuma belum 14 hari lagi after second dose hihu but still Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal.

Okay back to my goosebump moment, so few days ni, okay taklah few months ni, i ada struggle dengan this one thing. Kemuncak nya today la kot rasa nak breakdown sebab semalam i dah buat one big decision yang macam entah la tak tau kenapa buat haha. The whole process is exhausting and tiring jadi memang rasa penat. Dengan terkurung macam ni. Frust tau. dengan kerja yang dah overload. Sometimes i memang nak quit everything and balik Melaka. Tapi i seronok je stay Shah Alam and plan nya nak settle down Shah Alam. But we'll see la how. 

Okay anyways, so hari ni after isyak, i baca Quran macam biasa and lepas tu bergenang la sensorang. Sedih. Sebab rasa penat sangat kot. Lepas tu teringat la tips baca kat mana entah, ada orang, dia sedih tutup mata and bukak Quran random page. Baca tafseer keluar ayat yang akan sooth kan our pain. Cemtula lebih kurang. So i tried, before bukak tu i cam "Ya Allah tolong la bagi something yang hit myself" and ofcoz ayat nya takde kena mengena dengan my pain haha. Pastu i mampu gelak jelah but nice try. Dah kemas nak lepak untuk tidur, tetiba notification from Qalby apps masuk.


Pastu i cam terdiam. Goosebump jap. Dia macam this is exactly what i need right now. Pastu bergenang lagi. Baiknya Allah. Baik sangat. Taip ni pun bergenang lagi. Never thought He will comfort me in a way i can never expect. i asked Allah to ease my pain, He answers me. i sedih. sebab i tak baik sangat, banyak lagi benda nak kena betul kan tapi Allah baiknya dengan saya. i am constantly showered with endless blessings.

These days, i prayed for some specific things over and over that i desperately wanted answered. i struggled with watching what i get was the opposite of my du'as and its causing me emotional pain but i reminded myself that His plan is the best. Tapi ofcoz, ada masa you macam mempersoalkan juga. It was hard. Really, really hard. Tapi i tetap remind my self, Allah is Al Hakim. the All Wise. Trust in His plan. He knows it better than anything i could even dream of asking for and that every obstacle on my path is actually another door opening to a better outcome. and for that, i'll keep begging. i'll keep having hope. i'll keep asking. Even if it's different from what i ask. He will always respond with what is best for me.

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim,
i don't ask for anything much, but please guide me to always trust Your plan and put You first before anything else. i was extremely tired for these past few months, thankyou, for being nice to me.

i got a little emotional la today bila dapat the notification. haha. Feeling so grateful, so loved, so blessed. Alhamdulillah.

Stay safe!

Lots of love,
S

June 30, 2021

2021/3 - Aisyah

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah.

Hello saya kembali dengan a long overdue post. Sepatutnya this post i buat bulan 12 last year lepas wedding Aisyah eh tiba tiba dah bulan 6 haha tiba tiba dah birthday dia. So kita sekalikan jelah. ini Aisyah. My polar opposite bestie since zaman asasi ke eh tak tau la know know dah kawan lol. Its funny how we are so different yet still can be friend. i dont know where to start. There are so many things i'd like to say tapi tulah baru mukadimah pun dah bergenang ni hahaha.

Since the moment i know her, we got along just perfectly. One thing that amazes me is dia punya unconditional love yang dia bagi to people around her. dia bagi good and positive vibes. Everywhere you go, you light up everyone's day. Your vibes are nothing but happiness. Jarang la nampak dia hesitate to offer anything yang dia boleh tolong or bagi. If i happen to have a bad day, which memang i ada sejenis temper haha or ada misunderstanding between us ke, it always her that make the effort for us walaupun i tau dia takut jugak tu lol. i honestly dont know how i got so lucky that we ever crossed paths. 

There was this one time, i ada tulis juga dalam blog but i cant remember which post, kitorang tengah exam final and masa nak submit paper, dia pengsan. Masa tu memang sumpah tak tau nak describe macam mana. rasa macam lost gila rasa macam gelap gila rasa sesak. Lepas tu aku pulak yang demam terkejut punya pasal haha. Masa wedding pulak, i couldn't be happier for her. I happy dapat spend the night before pillow talk dengan dia, dapat pakaikan inai, dapat bawak pergi aquaria hehe.

As i sit and tulis post ni, i am reminded on our friendship journey, how important you are to me, how much i love and respect you for the past 9 years. All the milestones, happy and sad moments we have gone through side by side. Our late night phone calls kadang sampai 4-5 jam tapi tu zaman you bujang la now call pun lepas zohor sampai asar je lepas tu kena masak untuk husband pulak hehe. i takboleh langsung tengok dia sedih. Saya sangat protective ye regarding anything yang related dengan dia. I nak dia happy, always. Sebab tu kalau i nak post anything yang kasar sikit pun i delete taknak dia baca lol haha. alhamdulillah, thankyou Allah bagi saya kawan sebaik Aisyah. i love you even though i don't say it as often as i should sksksksk.

The person who saw the good in me and the one who had faith that i was destined for great things but at the same time, always honest and made sure i faced the truth. The person whose opinion i value the most. Yang selalu doakan saya dan suruh orang lain pun doakan saya lepas tu orang tu bagitau "Eh hari tu borak dengan Aisyah dia suruh doakan kau" haha bukan sorang dua tapi ramai k lol! That was when i realized how much you loved me. That was when it dawned me on how blessed i've always been for having you and nothing has changed even now.

Semoga Aisyah menjadi anak dan isteri solehah, penyejuk hati suami dan umi ayah. Sentiasa disenangi dan disayangi orang sekeliling dan soon umi untuk little youuuuuu hehe dan bahagia dunia akhirat with or without me.

Ya Rabb, please grant Aisyah and her family a good health and whatever good for them. Grant them the best that life can offer. Shower them with mercy and wrap them in Your protection. Paling penting, grant us a huge mansion in Jannah side by side. Amin.

Happy birthday to you my love Aisyah. Sayang Aisyah hihi. doakan kita selalu okie!

Banyak lagi nak sembang tapi sedih la huhu. sedih bukan yang sedih tu dia macam mix feelings. seeing you happy with your loved ones, dijaga baik, happy tau kita!

See you when i see you in sha Allah. stay safe!

Lots of Love,
S

June 18, 2021

2021/2 - Quick catchup

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah.


Wow. 6 months tak update blog. So tadi ada masa sikit, saja lah scroll balik my old entries. Ahh i miss old days tapi cringe sikit la baca previous post especially 2015-2018 punya post. Apo tah sembang. i nak edit balik tapi cam malas la haha but okay la memories kan. Esok i masuk office. sekarang pun dah pukul 1.45 pagi. tapi takpelah. Few weeks ni stress betul kerja lain macam struggle dia. dengan MCO yang tiada penghujung ni. i penat. like from the bottom of my heart, i penat. tapi takpelah kena hidup jugak. not sure if everyone yang semakin annoying or i je yang emosi tak stabil asyik nak emo cengeng lol tapi i dah janji nak be good to myself. taknak push macam first mco yang disaster my mental and emotion. So far okay alhamdulillah. Kalau i rasa devastated that day, i akan keluar jogging, buat yoga ke, tengok running man ke or hantar something/makanan to my families and friends. Buat la something supaya tak layan sangat. i dah slow down maki orang dekat twitter haha walaupun kadang ada terlepas jugak but whatever. Dengan all the politicians tak habis keluarkan statement mengarut. Corruption sucks. Dengan rejim Zionis yang makin hari makin melampau.

Anyways. remember last year i ada buat entri pasal mco over. but nope. by the time i tengah tulis ni mco yang ke berapa ratus juta hari pun i dah tak sure and the cases bukan macam mco first year now daily 5-6K cases. Scary kan. i know! 2020 was definitely better than 2021 at least 2020 ada few months boleh lepak macam biasa and cases pernah like one figure je daily or takde langsung. ahh good old days. we all see it coming. we've been down this road before and still a mess. Apa apa jelah i malas nak fikir nanti emo so i hidup je macam biasa. Pagi bangun buat kerja balik lepak kejap pastu tidur and ulang rutin yang sama until bila pun tak tau la. it annoys me everytime i acts out of character, nak rant out lepas tu orang suruh sabar. dengar je lah orang nak rant :( even good people pun mesti ada bad seasons dia. i tengah phase i takde energy nak argue, ikut engko la nak buat apa yang penting tak susahkan hidup gue. Pheww so good to get that out. Lately ni my peace has been more important haha.

i'm far from being myself lately and it concerns me. But still alhamdulillah. i still ada kerja. still bergaji cukup makan minum. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. Just in my 20s and i already rasa nak retire lol tapi tu lah. Hang in there everyone. tau ramai je tengah struggle but i takboleh nak reach out to anyone dah. some days i just feel so alone, like nothing is okay. but most of the time i lepak je. so okay jelah. i relax sikit sekarang sebab i dah ada list to do if i stress haha. i just hope this extra peace doesn't allow other troubles kacau. trying to cope with the new "normal" now.

stay safe and take care everyone. ini dulu kot. i banyak je benda tak post lagi but i dont have time nak update blog ini pun my second post after 6 months haha but i try update more. kadang rasa nak delete je blog sebab i dah takboleh nak update macam dulu tapi i sayang sangat blog ni dah 11 tahun macam macam ada dalam ni huhu :(

Lots of love,
S

January 1, 2021

2021/1 - Hello 2021

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman inshaAllah.


Its been a while everyone. Last time i wrote for my 25th Birthday and that was 2 months ago lol. So macam biasa, i nak share my first post on new year with you guys untuk tahun ke 5 ni hiks. Masih consistent nampaknya. Dan macam biasa jugak, i can't even remember my last year punya resolution but rasanya takde hahaha so this year i ada few things i nak tick off in sha Allah i'll share bila tiba masanya. Minta doakan dipermudah semuanya ameen :)

Nak recap balik my 2020, well if you ada baca my last year punya new year post, i ada mention 2019 was a toughest year for me never that i know, 2020 lagi disaster genk. Kalau last year banyak mental breakdown sebab homesick baru pindah shah alam but still i boleh balik bebila i nak, this year punya homesick lagi kebaboom because of MCO. Dengan kereta rosak 4,5 kali, langgar kereta orang, keep making mistakes dekat office sampai rasa stress nak resign membuak buak tak tahan. Dengan my sleep cycle buat hal. Apa je yang okay masa tu. Hari hari nangis stress. Nasib baik ada family and friends yang keep tolong cheer me up, video call ajak borak. Thankyou semua. i survived sampai sekarang alhamdulillah :')

But despite all the negative things, banyak jugak positive things i dapat alhamdulillah. i rasa happy, i rasa content. i still bekerja full and get paid sedangkan ramai orang tengah struggle dengan kerja. i still cukup makan dekat rumah alhamdulillah. i masih ada family yang sentiasa support everything i buat and my close ones around me. Thankyou Allah, fo giving me a really good year full with ups and downs. Thankyou Allah, for blessing me with abundant of rezq and blessings. You showered me with sooooo many things this year i am so happy alhamdulillah. You kept me and my loved ones healthy and safe. Paling penting, you didn't test me by taking one of my important ones back to You yet and for that i really really really grateful.

For 2021,
ya Rabb, i'd like to ask for a happy and healthy life fill with Your love and blessings. i ask for a year that brings me more closer to You. i pray that You only takes me when You are most please with me. Last year, i mention nak start travel which obviously tak dapat sebab Covid. i also mention nak jumpa love of my life hahahahahaha what a joke!  But its okay. may You guide me to whoever is the best for me in sha Allah. If ada rezeki nak ada my own family, alhamdulillah. Not going to put any pressure on my 26 years self lol.

For my family and friends, please give them whatever good for them. Grant them happiness. grant them the best that life can offer and paling penting, grant us a huge mansion in Jannah side by side amin ya Rabb. Please guide us all to embrace Islam as a whole so we'll get our happy ending in Your Jannah nanti.

Ya Rabb, please grant me, my family and friends a good health. Keep us safe from this pandemic and virus. Bring us closer to You and bless us to trust in You and only You. Shower us with mercy and wrap us in your protection. Protect us from despair and pain. Whatever You have willed for us, we will accept it as You only test those who You love so dearly.

Aamin.

itu je kot for now. jap lagi after subuh i nak balik Melaka hihi. Thankyou everyone for still baca my blog. This year marked my 11 years berblogging alhamdulillah. Not sure sampai bila boleh tahan blog ni tapi i sayang sangat huhu. Okay la.

i'm so ready for 2021....kot hahaha!

Happy New Year everyone!! Stay safe!

Lots of Love,
S