July 22, 2017

2017/17 - Dont Judge Me

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤

3 minggu dah start intern kat hospital Melaka, and alhamdulillah, everything was just fine. adat la budak intern ni kekadang kena marah, tak dilayan, kena sound pedas hahahaha. But masa week 3 hari tu, me and syazana (my intern partner merangkap my roomate) were assigned to Kaunter Utama and kat situ rasanya highlight for our intern sepanjang 3 minggu ni kot. We had so much fun there, kak Yan, kak Aera and encik2 kat sana were sooooo nice alhamdulillah and they treat us like family❤🌈 Hampir2 bertemu jodoh kat sana hahahaha awkward moment jap πŸ’…πŸ€£

i said this many time dah, life as grown up is not fun. Yes, ofcoz we can inspired by others, but the sooner we accept that we are all created differently, the easier we can focus on ourself and understand others better. Baru2 ni, someone said i have changed. i wonder if i have truly changed. i can't focus to everyone. i can't help everyone. Its hard to be responsible for others happiness all the time. Yes, we grew up together, saw each other membesar dengan jayanya, went through scary exams together but we're at different stage of our lives now. We met different people and have different friends who the rest have never met. You guys can't expect me to make you happy all the time. πŸ‘­πŸ‘­πŸ‘­πŸ‘­

I can't be physically and emotionally available for you guys all the time. When i was at my lowest point, struggling with my study here, fighting with my emotional state, jatuh bangun sakit i, my so called new friends were there to give me support. But i still  faham that you guys can't always be there for me tp tak semestinya you guys tak kisah about me kan. same goes to me too. Maybe at the time you guys minta tolong or need me, i have more important stuff to do, so i can't reply/help on the spot. But trust me, if you matter a lot to me, i'll get back to you sooner or later. Please don't judge me. Please, accept me completely for who i am. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜„✨

I still care and always will. Sumpah, i'm not the type of person yang senang2 nak let people walk out of my life and pretend that they don't matter anymore. Once you're in my life, you're there forever and i meant it. That is the type of person i am and you should know that. In friendship, i always feel like i dont have much to offer but with whatever little that i have, i will surely give my all and no friend of mine ever need to beg while i am still around. Lets make good du'a for each others and wish for each other's happiness (+goodness), becoz when we do that, Allah swt will give us the same, if not, more! if not in this life, kat akhirat nanti in sha Allah. πŸ˜πŸ˜˜πŸ’•

My days are limited and no human being will ever be eternal in this dunya. The fact that i was able to live my life right now, surrounded by loving family and friends, was the most absolute amazing baraqah in my entire life alhamdulillah. i just hope, biiznillah, one day, i can work on being someone you guys can lean on in sha Allah. πŸ˜”πŸŒˆ

i may not be with you,
but you'll always be in my du'a❤
You guys will always be here, in my heart, dari dulu, kini dan selamanya.

Lots of Love,

July 12, 2017

2017/16 - Happy Birthday, Dila ❤

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤

Its Dila's 22nd birthday semalam and sumpah, i was soooo busy (budak intern kan) and ingat nak wish malam before 12 and end up i tidoooooo bahahahaha *smack myself lol* She is one of my favourite people sejak asasi up till now and till forever in sha Allah hehe.

Perempuan ni, i tak pernah nampak dia menangis in front of me for any reason (kecuali bila i nak pindah kolej 17, she cried! terharu gak lah masa tu hahahaha boooo dila). She acts tough outside, but deep down i know, hati gegadis gak ni hahahaha. She always smiles and always always always makes time for me. Another angel sent from Allah swt for me in this life. Cuma dia ni kuat jeles tahap petala lapan kau jangan la memain dengan dia πŸ˜› nawwhhh but i still love her hehe 😘😍Tak pernah menyusahkan, kehadiran dia sentiasa menyenangkan. Despite the facts that i have a lot of friends in my life, dia ni one of yang i nak kawan sampai tua dan nyanyuk bersama nanti! hopefully, kat syurga pun jumpa kembali in sha Allah.

Happy 22nd birthdayy! may you grow to be a good muslimah, strong in imaan, loved by many and always kind to others. i've seen you go through some tough days for the past 4 years, but masha Allah, you always amaze me at how you can still smile and act like takde apa yang jadi. i'm so proud of how far you have come in life now. i will always pray for good things to come your way becoz you have such a big heart and you deserve all the happiness in this world and hereafter nanti.

Kahwin dengan Kama jemput aku plis.
Dah habis belajar, jangan lupa aku plissss πŸ˜­πŸ˜”

#Selamat22 Dila,
love you fillah 🌈

Lots of love,

July 8, 2017

2017/15 - One more down

Assalamualaikum & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.

Last week, my cousin kahwin. Cousin yang dah macam kakak sendiri dah. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. i'm so happy for her. Finally, she met someone that can look after her lepas ni. Barakallah kak ina and abang Safwan. May you both have a happy marriage fill with His blessings and will guide and hold each other hands in this life and hereafter nanti.  Lepas tu macam biasa la, di tanya2 bila pulak kaklong yang sorang ni. Dah berpunya ke belum. Umur berapa nak kahwin. blerghhh. It's funny. Why people soooo curious bila orang nak kahwin. When the time comes, pufff i'll invite you guys don't worry (tapi tak tau la bila hehe)

i want good things to come my way. Ofcoz, nak kahwin tu one of my wish la if ada jodoh dekat dunia. Bila tu, only He knows hahahaha. i, if sedar TERcrush kat orang pun cepat2 block semua social media from that particular person. Tak pernah stalk any social media dia and tak pernah nak tau anything pasal dia hahahaha lol. Why? becoz, i don't want falling and hoping for the wrong guy. Kalau TERnampak ke TERserempak tu nasib la kan. But, serious talk, up till now, i belum lagi jumpa someone yang "okay, he's the one" gitchuwwwww πŸ˜‚πŸ˜›

Many people would label me as someone yang very comfortable with myself. But the reality is, i've struggled with myself confidence since i was kid. People have no idea how hard i am trying to fit in and balancing my emotional state. Becoz of that, i never learned how to match my behaviour with how i was actually feeling on the inside. i never learned how to work through my emotions dah. i rasa ni la sebab why i still can't find a suitable guy (btw, i'm looking for someone yang sopan inside out and soleh dalaman. kalau luaran pun soleh, bonus la hehe) i'm tooooo independent. i boleh buat everything by my own hahahaha k over takdela semua lol but becoz i've gotten so used of being the protector and do everything by my own, i haven't really learned how to be taken care of awwwwwww.

Today, so many people are let down by those who claim to love them. Kes cerai pun banyak. Kes pukul isteri lagi. Kes curang nya. Allahu. i don't understand people. You claim you love them but you hurt them. if we really love someone, we sure don't want to hurt them kan. The moment you give someone your heart, that's it! they will have the authority to break it, to destroy and crush it into the last piece. Sweet word are easy to say, but sweet people are difficult to find. Don't worry too much, when you stay on the right path and the time is right, the right person will appear in sha Allah. Call me old style, but i still believe this hehe

Let me tell you something. i always scared of a lot of things these days and one of it ni lah, getting married. i scared tooooo much that the only thing i could do is to pray that i will always do good and i believe i am strong enough to wait for what i deserve. Someday, i know, someone will walk into my life and make me realize why it never worked with anyone else.

True love is worth waiting for.

So for now, i really really really am not going to care about what others have to say becoz my main purpose in this life is to please my Maker. i know i will have to take baby steps day by day but i'll make sure to enjoy this baby steps at my own pace. The path to Him is long and my goal is to die upon the path of Him.

Life is a balance between world and hereafter kan, between dunya and akhirat. Allah knows i am far from balancing these things but at least i could start trying and with this in mind, i hope my blog will continously remind myself to reach this balance, in sha Allah!

ihfazillah yahfazka, Kita jaga hak Allah, Allah jaga hak kita πŸ˜˜πŸ€—

Lots of Love,

June 24, 2017

2017/14 - Eid Mubarak!

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤

Its already the last day of Ramadhan (29th Ramadhan) for this year masha Allah 😭😭 Ending Ramadhan & welcoming Eid Mubarak is...how to say this...awkward ke? HAHAHAHA. Dia macam, taknak habis puasa lagi yet still nak raya lol. i thought ramadhan this year bolehla nak perform sikit, hahaha masha Allah! but still Alhamdulillah, i rasa my Ramadhan this year better than last year. Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah.

i didn't take fully granted of this year's ramadhan. There were some nights i didn't wake up for Qiyam and go for terawikh. There were some days i didn't control my tongue properly and spend time doing useless things lol melaghaa banyakkk ni *tepuk dahi* Ohh, i feel bad to let myself slipping out from my writing routine too hahahaha but what to do, other important commitments banyakk sangat nak kena setel dengan finalnya lagi fuhh. Now that final dah over, i can start writing back hehehehe. i got a lot of things to share with you guys!!

1. Muslim Lectures Apps
On first day of Ramadhan, while scrolling twitter waiting for  berbuka lol hahaha i saw someone tweet Mufti Menk's lecture and out of curiosity (+ one of  Mufti Menk's fan hehe) i clicked on the link given and masha Allah, it was the best decision i had ever made in my entire life *tears rolled down* *drama queen is back lol* May Allah swt blessed those who created this apps πŸ˜­πŸ˜‰πŸ˜˜ All Mufti Menk's lectures are available here (ohh and Yasmin Mogahed tooooooooo) yg lain i tak sure sebab tak pernah search hehe. i'll put the link for Mufti Menk here and Yasmin Mogahed here okay! 

2. Facing FINAL
I spent two weeks for final at UPM as usual and thankyou Iqma and Bella sebab bagi kawan yang sorang ni menumpang kat bilik 😭😭 May Allah swt rewards you guys with happiness abundantly in this dunya and hereafter nanti in sha Allah. Bersahur bersama. Berbuka bersama (thankyou Bella bawa berbuka dekat Dataran, i'll keep the memories sampai tua hehe 😍). Berbazar bersama (thankyou Iqma partner rempit ke bazar merangkap partner bertekak dalam bilik merangkap penghibur hati ku cia ciaaπŸ˜πŸ˜›πŸ€—). Berterawikh bersama (thankyou partner terawikh saya, Atiqah kerana menjadi partner setia sepanjang berterawikh 😘😍 walaupun ada ter miss satu hari and kekadang ada hari yang papernya pagi, but still gagah bersama turun terawikh despite the fact masing2 tak habis study lagi lol hahahahaha). Study sesama (thankyou zaty sebab selalu rajin and sabar melayan partner study dia ni yg pukul 12 dah sampai limit and start grumpy πŸ˜‚πŸ€£). Now, i miss these annoying people (+ Siti) SANGAT SANGAT SANGAT hehe.

3. Calm down, heart
A day before Advanced Immunology's paper, something happened and made me realized how important someone to me. My heart almost stopped when i saw that particular person on that time. i can't tell you guys what exactly yg jadi, but Allahu, i'm glad everything was fine Alhamdulillah. i swear i almost wanted to cry. k fine. i cried (ofcoz not in front of others lolπŸ’…). the incident kept on playing in my mind the whole day even bila nak tidur and end up, i demam lol. i demam becoz the day before, i didn't get enough sleep plus terkejut yg melampau lampau hari tu hahaha. This one person, i realize, is sooo important to me. not becoz of this incident je, tapi incedent before2 ni lagi. I am not sure why, but i gelabah melampau when anything jadi on her. i can't keep myself bertenang πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜”but ya Allah, thankyou. Thankyou for everything.

4. Final Year Project (FYP) & Internship 🏣
Alhamdulillah. i got a placement at Hospital Melaka for my internship this upcoming 3rd July hehe. For my fyp, i got Dr Fezah, one of lecturer i would like to work with yayyyy!! and guess what more?! berpartner lagi dengan Sophie hahaha. Sophie is my PA Mate and she is soooo funny i kennoootttt. i don't mention her enough in my blog and i really should in sha Allah! Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. Thankyou Allah! and thankyou for the du'as everyone πŸ’– i'm beyond happy at this moment. Allah really makes everything easy for me.

K la. ni dulu. Ramadhan is over guys. Alhamdulillah for another blessings month πŸ’– lets just hope that Ramadhan's baraqah and all the good deeds we got into habit of doing masa ramadhan ini akan berterusan till forever! i seek for apologize to every single soul i've accidentally hurt with my words and actions. Please forgive me for the sake of Him. I am neither perfect, nor good. i still learn to be a better muslimah each day πŸ’–πŸ’ž

Till we meet again next year, ya Ramadhan Kareem πŸŒ™
'Kullu Am Wa Antum Bikhair πŸŽ‰✨

Lots of love,

May 27, 2017

2017/13 - La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤

Ramadhan Kareem gaizzz!! Happy first day of Ramadhan 😘 Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah. How great is it, alhamdulillah to be alive and experience yet another blessful Ramadhan Kareem. Lets chase all the goodness and rewards that this month offer and lets take full advantage of it ❤ hehe. May we come out of this month with increased imaan and improved version of ourselves in sha Allah! ameen 😊 Ramadhan Mubarak, everyone!

Things aren't always easy and sometimes it feels so much to handle and i can't really understand myself πŸ˜” Truth is, i am afraid of a lot of things these days. I'm scared of not doing good, of giving too much, of losing people i love and care, of failure (final coming gaizzz ahhh stresssszzzZZZ). The exam stress is already more than enough, i don't need more. i'm losing interest in everything and everyone to be honest πŸ˜ͺ i stopped talking to those people who stopped talking to me. i stopped caring when people are showing no interest. i wonder if i have truly changed. but that's just the way i am, imperfects and always in constant need for improvement.

i got my heart broken for being loyal and becoz of that, i'm too afraid to stay close with anyone. Those who stayed too close by my side, i'm too afraid of taking them for granted. Dulu, masa kecik i cari kawan yang kelakar, yang baik, yang cantik. i focused on the qualities that my friends had. But now no more. As i get older, my process of choosing kawan is more specific. i focus on the qualities that their friendship brings out in me. This is what i seek in friendship now. Do i become lagi baik bila kawan dengan dia, jadi lagi nakal ke, jadi lagi sopan ke. All those qualities that come out in me in the company of them. And now, i have this why-i-do-even-bother kind of feeling *sigh.

i wish i can apologize to every single soul i've accidentally hurt especially to the one, who always there for me. Wallahi. i would never want to hurt you guys intentionally. I'm fighting my own feeling now. But you guys know me well kan, if something/someone really matters a lot to me, by hook or by crook, i'll make time for it. idk, i really want to do something good that can give me reward in this life and hereafter nanti. i really really want to make people smile. There is something very satisfying about making other people happy and i really hope i can always make my loved ones as happy as they have make me πŸ˜˜πŸ’–πŸ‘­ I seek for apologize to everyone of you if my words and actions have ever hurt you guys. Please forgive me, for the sake of Him. i am neither perfect nor good. i still learn to be a better person each day πŸ˜”πŸ’–

Ya Rabb, please please please, make me not tired of doing good to others and ask nothing in return from them (+ wanting to be appreciated). Please remove all the hatred and jealousy from my heart and replace it with lovessszzz. Purify my heart, my intention and heal me from the hurt.

You promised us ya Rabb,
La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha 🏰✨

Final is coming. doakan yang baik2 😁😊

Lots of Love,