May 27, 2017

2017/13 - La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤


Ramadhan Kareem gaizzz!! Happy first day of Ramadhan 😘 Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah. How great is it, alhamdulillah to be alive and experience yet another blessful Ramadhan Kareem. Lets chase all the goodness and rewards that this month offer and lets take full advantage of it ❤ hehe. May we come out of this month with increased imaan and improved version of ourselves in sha Allah! ameen 😊 Ramadhan Mubarak, everyone!

Things aren't always easy and sometimes it feels so much to handle and i can't really understand myself 😔 Truth is, i am afraid of a lot of things these days. I'm scared of not doing good, of giving too much, of losing people i love and care, of failure (final coming gaizzz ahhh stresssszzzZZZ). The exam stress is already more than enough, i don't need more. i'm losing interest in everything and everyone to be honest 😪 i stopped talking to those people who stopped talking to me. i stopped caring when people are showing no interest. i wonder if i have truly changed. but that's just the way i am, imperfects and always in constant need for improvement.

i got my heart broken for being loyal and becoz of that, i'm too afraid to stay close with anyone. Those who stayed too close by my side, i'm too afraid of taking them for granted. Dulu, masa kecik i cari kawan yang kelakar, yang baik, yang cantik. i focused on the qualities that my friends had. But now no more. As i get older, my process of choosing kawan is more specific. i focus on the qualities that their friendship brings out in me. This is what i seek in friendship now. Do i become lagi baik bila kawan dengan dia, jadi lagi nakal ke, jadi lagi sopan ke. All those qualities that come out in me in the company of them. And now, i have this why-i-do-even-bother kind of feeling *sigh.

i wish i can apologize to every single soul i've accidentally hurt especially to the one, who always there for me. Wallahi. i would never want to hurt you guys intentionally. I'm fighting my own feeling now. But you guys know me well kan, if something/someone really matters a lot to me, by hook or by crook, i'll make time for it. idk, i really want to do something good that can give me reward in this life and hereafter nanti. i really really want to make people smile. There is something very satisfying about making other people happy and i really hope i can always make my loved ones as happy as they have make me 😘💖👭 I seek for apologize to everyone of you if my words and actions have ever hurt you guys. Please forgive me, for the sake of Him. i am neither perfect nor good. i still learn to be a better person each day 😔💖

Ya Rabb, please please please, make me not tired of doing good to others and ask nothing in return from them (+ wanting to be appreciated). Please remove all the hatred and jealousy from my heart and replace it with lovessszzz. Purify my heart, my intention and heal me from the hurt.

You promised us ya Rabb,
La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha 🏰✨

Final is coming. doakan yang baik2 😁😊

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
S❤                                            

May 10, 2017

2017/12 - To more sleepless night

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤


Wow, i haven't had quality time with my blog for almost sebulan. Last week, i was extremely tired and sleep-deprived. i was having a really really stressful days due to some assignments and projects lol. if you know me, you mesti tau i jenis yang tidur awal. pukul 12 maximum! if not, bersedia la mood swing the next day hahaha. i really hope Allah swt doesn't test me with daughters such as myself hahaha (if i have any in future). But due to some projects, i tak dapat my beauty sleep for almost 4 days *tears hair out* but alhamdulillah, thumma alhamdulillah! despite all the mini drama air mata hahaha, everything went well! yeaayyy 🎉✨Last year, around this time, if you came across my post, i told you guys about our Biomedical Symposium yang kitorang handle. But this year lain sikit. We handled Blood Expo and we were divided into two team and alhamdulillah its over dah gaissszzzzzzz and everyone did a very great job untuk merealisasikan this expo #proudcoursemate.

Anyway, i started to develop some positive thoughts lately. Wallahi! i do things i want to do becoz i want to do it anyways hehe. Being kind is addictive gaiz, and to see people smiling becoz of you pun addictiveee jugak. There was time when i feel so tired of myself for being sooooooo negative and i decided to just be nicer to everyone and think more positive. Wallahi! nice people kept on coming again and again lepas tu alhamdulillah 😘

i am trying to practice patience in my everyday life. i am trying to controls my temper and guards my words. i'm so missing the point of istighfar now *smack myself*. i am trying to brighten others day. i wake up everyday wanting to be a better person than i was yesterday. i pray that Allah swt will give me chance to repent 😊 coz i know, those beautiful house and luxury cars i wish was mine, the perfect fairytale wedding that i have dreamed of sejak kecik, 4 flat result yang i idam2 kan, nothing compared to the ultimate reward of Jannah kan. i made a point to remind myself to prioritize on my prayers tak kisah la apa pun jadi. everyday i pray, that i will become a better muslimah today, then i was yesterday in sha Allah ❤

Ya Rabb,
bestow rightful knowledge upon me and please accept all my imperfect deeds. Bless me with the beauty of true repentance 😔😔

P/s : final lagi 3 weeks phewwww. doakan yang baik hehe! thankyouuuuu 😘 To more sleepless night maaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good luck! 😪😅

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
S❤

April 15, 2017

2017/11 - Back with these 3

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤


With these 3, it is always like old times eventough sometimes it feels like a lot of things have changed, feels like we started to drift apart as other commitments get in our way, but they always there to stay. It must be hard for them to keep bersabar with me up till now hahahaha. So semalam, we planned a short trip to Aquaria, KLCC!! To be honest, i am not in my best conditon for the past three days. Demam batuk dan selsema as usual lol. But alhamdulillah, still boleh lagi prank orang ni rasa macam takde masalah sangat la hehe. 

So on the same time, we planned for Atiqah's 21st birthday (which supposed to be on this upcoming 24th April btw) and i gladly took up the role as the mastermind la kan. To be honest lagi, i love pranking people but i am the worst prank planner ever gaiszz lol. Last year, on her birthday jugak, i used some lame excuses to prank her but end up i screwed myself hahahaha hashtag LAMEEEEE! so i was extra careful this time around with the help of these two sweethearts (Aisyah & Ain) hehe and everything was on track gaizzzzzz!!!!!! until few days before the prank, i start demam *tears hair out* i stressed sangat sebab, i kalau demam lembik dia lain macam sangat 😭😭but Alhamdullilah, Allah ease everything! Thankyou Allah ❤😘 Despite the mini drama hehehe everything turned out great Alhamdulillah. i also sempat prepare card for her tapi kadnya HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA sebab simpan dalam beg lol 😐but i still hoped it would be a card she would treasure sampai tua ❤ 

To Atiqah,
i hope you had a great birthday next week fill with His baraqah in sha Allah! i have watched you went through so much in these past three years and i will always pray for good things to come your way coz you have such a big heart and you deserve all the happiness in this world and hereafter nanti amin in sha Allah 😉

Thankyou, for always make me smile most of the time. It is through you guys that i am reminded of Allah's kindness, giving me such good friends yang more like sisters. Bonding time sangat semalam, But its okay, i'll always keep you guys in my du'a in sha Allah coz you guys will always hold a special place in my heart. ALWAYS. For me to dedicate myself, my precious time and trust to people is not easyyyyy okayyyy hehe.

I AM HAPPYYYYYY NOWWWWWWW ALHAMDULILLAH BLESSEDDDD ❤

what i would not do, to keep you guys happy!
After all, we are PINK soul sisters!!! hehe ❤😘

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
S❤

April 7, 2017

2017/10 - For the last time

Assalamualaikum & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤


Busy sangat lately and i haven't got time to spend with my blog. i guess i shouldn't be surprised when my friends whatsapp me tanya if i'm still alive ke tak HAHAHAHA lol. For all those wondering, i am happy now but i am not sure why i still freak out when people ask/mention about this one person who used to be my favourite people dulu (lets call HER Timau - Timau is my teddy bear name btw). Rasanya dah lama i tak mention pasal dia. Acah acah dah move on hehe but seriously, dah move on dah pun cuma lately ni ramai pulak nak upload and mention dia on instewagewammm no matter how hard i try to avoid her. Of coz it's bother me lol. Don't get me wrong gaiz. i bukan annoyed dengan dia tau instead i am glad, alhamdulillah, she's having a good life now but you know, to slowly let go and start feeling better after 2 and half years is not an easy thing to do kan 😪😅

Everything has to come to an end kan. I am pretty sure her role in my life is part of it. So, i write about her today, for the last time and i really really really hope after this, she will never be mention in my blog anymore 😉Oh btw, all photos above were given by her.

Three years ago, i had met this one friend, whom i thought i can trust and depend on. i really attached myself to her. We were so closed (at least, that's how i imagine). She got me hooked with a smile on my face most of the time even during my worst time, asyik mengacau time lab, time class, time lepas class pun lol and she was sooo easy going and funny too. Until one day, there were signs that the friendship was no longer there. Everything went wrong that seeking forgiveness doesn't work and forgiving doesn't work either. I was so hurt. I no longer had my best friend who i could share my stress and result after tests. I no longer had my bestfriend who i could whatsapp and chat facebook on the same time hanya untuk merepek repek malam malam and the most important part, i no longer had my best friend who will comfort me during my worst time. i never prepared for those.

It's weird, how one day i felt so happy to have such a great person as my friend in my life and the next day, she's no longer there. I could understand if we had a big fight ke apa but no! It ended without any spoken word. I was, and still confused as to why it ended without any spoken word. i was upset. i was angry (on that time la, now no more hehe). My heart got ripped into a million pieces. i trusted her, and she blew it just like that.i used to wish our friendship ended over a fight or something la kan at least i have a reason to hate her but i am no longer searching for the answers now. No matter how much i want, i know, i can't hate her. It takes years and plenty of dramas + tears to be into a better shape back and alhamdulillah, i'm all good now hehehe.

Dear Timau,
if we're still friend now, i believe there will be so much more to be done and enjoyed together. So many moments to be laugh together kan. i wanted to tell you about my crazy hectic day as a biomedical student and we did promised to celebrate birthday sesama every year walaupun kita lain kos, graduate sesama nanti and nak lepak Al Firdaus sesama nanti. But i guess, i need to break the promise tonight (but i'll definitely see you in Jannah nanti in sha Allah!) 😁😁

after 2 and half years, i finally choose to see the good in you and let you go. Gone for good. Thankyou for some of the best times in my life. We shared some amazing experiences together over few months, ones that still make me smile when i think about up till now. i would never be the person i am today without you. may you grow to be a good muslimah, loved by many and may your heart remain pure towards goodness and your life fill wih His blessings in sha Allah ❤ Shield yourself from negativity and please have a good life as you dream for it to be!

As much as i would like to say more words to you for the last time, i think its time for me to put the past behind hehehe. With that, this comes to an end. If our paths meet again soon, i hope you will still remember me tau. i will always cherish, be happy and make bundle of du'as for you coz i still love the people i've love even if i avoid them in this life and that is one of the reason why i made this post! to still remember you and your memories in my next life hehehe take care!

i am happy now,
but you're not the reason anymore 😁

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
MAA

March 17, 2017

2017/9 - Time, please!

Assalamualaikum & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤


i was having a really really stressful days due to some personal things and i started to develop some really negative thoughts. i was not in my best physical shape lately. asyik sakit sana, sakit sini, bleeding sana bleeding sini. my leg punya muscles and bones were aching soooo bad it felt like few knives stabbing through them (or at least, that's how i imagine rasa dia *drama 😅) sampai rasa nak give up dah. i baca, when you're in pain, your sins are being cleansed. I must have a lots of sins then *cries a river*. Susah for me to face my current reality that i was just not fit anymooorrreeeee. Well, it hurts! i really need to smack some sense to myself right now. At time like this, i know, this body i have on loan from Allah, needs to be given some attention too kan.

Everyone yang went through an awful time, sure nak someone yang dia can trust to be there with them through their worst time. Including me. Saying "takpeeeeelaaaaaaaaaaaaa, aku okaaayyyyyy" when my heart just got ripped into a billion pieces lol but deep down, i hope someone out there can help me smile when i think i will never smile again. i don't blame anyone. Maybe i am the one yang overestimated everything hahaha lol *facepalm*. The tension began to grow and i felt like taking some time off would be a good thing to do but NOOO, it was not the right decision lol. So, i choose to fight against my own feeling now and i know, it won't end in a day. Itu for sure. But, we are asked to try, day by day, little by little, progress slowly, closer to Allah kan. i still believe, my effort is not a waste and my du'a is not ignored. He listens every single du'a i made and He will give  me not what i want kan, but what is best for me. in sha Allah. Eventhough i want something so badly, in the end, only Allah knows if it is best for me or not kan #positivevibes #positivezones


Despite the facts that i have met a lot of wonderful people in my life, i really really really hope some of them won't be temporary and i hope i will never give up on them too. i miss good old times. when we laughed at each other and spent our time together, sitting side by side and keep support each other even when we were not together. Tapi sekarang, everyone ada life and busy dengan life sendiri. aahhh rindunya masa dedulu. i wasn't quite sure what to expect from them and i dont want to tapi yang penting i rindu la zaman  sesama dulu haha, but naaaawww its okay. Time sure flies. 

Life is not perfect. We're only human after all kan. When Allah throws a mini test on our way,  don't easily give up #notetoself. Negative things happened to all of us and everyone face different set of struggles. We all have our battles. i have mine, you have yours and others have theirs. Try to look at bigger picture. Allah won't give you what you can't handle kan. Everyone knows that! I try to enjoy every single moment in my life even with all the flaws and challenges that come my way in sha Allah, becoz of faith! and becoz i know, there is a greater power watching over, protecting and guiding me days and nights❤ 

i wrote this post to myself as a form of reminder and i want to remember these things for the years to come in sha Allah. Oh! and please surround yourself with good people and most importantly! be good to people too. Whatever we do, lets always have the hereafter in mind and chase all the goodness we can find in this world. i am leaving my ego for Him, for Al Firdaus in sha Allah.

To my all time friend, who never give up on me, thankyou, for being a good friend who i am soooo, lucky alhamdulillah, to have crossed path with. It must be hard for you to keep hold on me up till now. You were there for me almost all the time when i was at my worst time and i will always make good du'as for you of coz, coz you will always hold a special place in my heart. i love you, lilahita'ala 😁

now,
life is just so serious.
when did life get so real?

Barakallah,
Lots of Love,
S❤