March 17, 2017

2017/9 - Time, please!

Assalamualaikum & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤

i was having a really really stressful days due to some personal things and i started to develop some really negative thoughts. i was not in my best physical shape lately. asyik sakit sana, sakit sini, bleeding sana bleeding sini. my leg punya muscles and bones were aching soooo bad it felt like few knives stabbing through them (or at least, that's how i imagine rasa dia *drama 😅) sampai rasa nak give up dah. i baca, when you're in pain, your sins are being cleansed. I must have a lots of sins then *cries a river*. Susah for me to face my current reality that i was just not fit anymooorrreeeee. Well, it hurts! i really need to smack some sense to myself right now. At time like this, i know, this body i have on loan from Allah, needs to be given some attention too kan.

Everyone yang went through an awful time, sure nak someone yang dia can trust to be there with them through their worst time. Including me. Saying "takpeeeeelaaaaaaaaaaaaa, aku okaaayyyyyy" when my heart just got ripped into a billion pieces lol but deep down, i hope someone out there can help me smile when i think i will never smile again. i don't blame anyone. Maybe i am the one yang overestimated everything hahaha lol *facepalm*. The tension began to grow and i felt like taking some time off would be a good thing to do but NOOO, it was not the right decision lol. So, i choose to fight against my own feeling now and i know, it won't end in a day. Itu for sure. But, we are asked to try, day by day, little by little, progress slowly, closer to Allah kan. i still believe, my effort is not a waste and my du'a is not ignored. He listens every single du'a i made and He will give  me not what i want kan, but what is best for me. in sha Allah. Eventhough i want something so badly, in the end, only Allah knows if it is best for me or not kan #positivevibes #positivezones

Despite the facts that i have met a lot of wonderful people in my life, i really really really hope some of them won't be temporary and i hope i will never give up on them too. i miss good old times. when we laughed at each other and spent our time together, sitting side by side and keep support each other even when we were not together. Tapi sekarang, everyone ada life and busy dengan life sendiri. aahhh rindunya masa dedulu. i wasn't quite sure what to expect from them and i dont want to tapi yang penting i rindu la zaman  sesama dulu haha, but naaaawww its okay. Time sure flies. 

Life is not perfect. We're only human after all kan. When Allah throws a mini test on our way,  don't easily give up #notetoself. Negative things happened to all of us and everyone face different set of struggles. We all have our battles. i have mine, you have yours and others have theirs. Try to look at bigger picture. Allah won't give you what you can't handle kan. Everyone knows that! I try to enjoy every single moment in my life even with all the flaws and challenges that come my way in sha Allah, becoz of faith! and becoz i know, there is a greater power watching over, protecting and guiding me days and nights❤ 

i wrote this post to myself as a form of reminder and i want to remember these things for the years to come in sha Allah. Oh! and please surround yourself with good people and most importantly! be good to people too. Whatever we do, lets always have the hereafter in mind and chase all the goodness we can find in this world. i am leaving my ego for Him, for Al Firdaus in sha Allah.

To my all time friend, who never give up on me, thankyou, for being a good friend who i am soooo, lucky alhamdulillah, to have crossed path with. It must be hard for you to keep hold on me up till now. You were there for me almost all the time when i was at my worst time and i will always make good du'as for you of coz, coz you will always hold a special place in my heart. i love you, lilahita'ala 😁

life is just so serious.
when did life get so real?

Lots of Love,

March 4, 2017

2017/8 - The Chosen One

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah!

its been a crazy week and i haven't had time to blog at all pfft. i want to take some time off. But still alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal hehe❤ thankyou Allah for everything up till now. No words can describe how thankful i am right now being blessed by Your blessings. 

So this post i dedicate to one of my friend (you know who you are) and people out there whom right now maybe struggling the same battle. So basically, this one friend of mine, tengah struggle with her own feeling tau. You know that putus cinta punya feeling coz-i-nak-jadi-better-and-if-ada-jodoh-tak-kemana. She wanted to get closer to halal relationship. She kept thinking about getting married now but yeah so many things happen and the guy keep delaying and giving so many excuses, causing her to end up their relationship. But, up till now, she still can't move on. 5 years is a long time and i can understand why it is difficult for her to forget him and afraid if he meets another woman.

You know what sayang, from my opinion, there's nothing wrong about wishing to get married and have children. That doesn't make you look gatal or desperate at all and remember, you ended your previous relationship with a want to get closer to Allah. i mean, come on, in doing so, you should distance yourself from anything/anyone that will make that journey more difficult for you kan. 

Based on my previous experiences, yes, i had gone through all thoseeee things before hehehe. Dulu la, 5-6 years ago kot ke 10 years ago. tak ingat dah. Eh tapi 10 years ago baru darjah 6 lol 🤔🤔 i know how my previous relationship will affect my relationship with Allah so i decided to end it. Sama je macam apa yang you lalui right now. Its not easy to move on, i know. But if you let Allah be your motivation and keep your faith on Him, in sha Allah, everything akan jadi normal back. i have pujuk myself that i ended the relationship for better and to save my relationship with Allah, the one who holds my heart, my heartbeat. If he's the one, ada jodoh, ada lah kan. And at one point i realize, for me to dedicate myself, my precious emotions and time for someone who is not right and can leave me at any point, is not fair gaiszz. So, i choose to focus on the positive side and become survivor instead of a victim hehehe.

To choose a life partner, is one of the most important decision we all need to make in our life nanti. Ofcoz la it should not be taken lightly kan as we will spend the rest of our life with the chosen one tu nanti. Make du'a to Allah, that the one we choose nanti will benefit us in this world and hereafter.i started to seriously practice du'a for good spouse since last 2 years kot. lepas kawan kawan i sorang sorang naik pelamin. Before ni, i takpernah ambik serious pun this thing lol. i always always always make du'a for a companion with good character, a man who can lead me to do good things for the sake of Allah and not only cheer me on as i try to change my life for the better, but will hold hands and struggle together with me.

may Allah swt guide us to whoever is best for us. Have faith on Him. Otherwise, you'll find yourself falling for the wrong one. There's nothing wrong with waiting for the man of your dream. Sabar wak. Up till now, i still believe, if i stay on the right path, in sha Allah the right one will appear soon! That's Allah's promise 😘

i wrote this post, for myself. i want to remember these things for the years to come in sha Allah so that i won't easily fall for the wrong one hehe. Oh and for you my dearest friend, let Allah be your motivation and may Allah grant you what is best in this life and next life in sha Allah. i love you!

P/s : Just to make it clear, i dont have any problem with anyone that are in relationship okay! This is just my 2 cents and what i believe. Basically, its obviously for me. hehe. If you guys have some stories to share with, feel free to drop them on comment box beeeeellllooooow tau!

Lots of Love,

February 17, 2017

2017/7 - No more WISDOM TOOTH!!

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah❤

I am pretty sure there's some of you guys that  will be getting these wisdom teeth out soon, so, nak share la sikit my experience kan hehehe. Please please please keep in mind that everyone has a different experience and some people will have better experiences than others. I had my lower left side wisdom tooth pain agak lama lah and kadang it used to develop a swelling and ulcer at that area. When i felt pain, i used to take pain killer. i decide nak buang bila i start to feel discomfort and pain regularly and i started to realize, i ambik pain killer more than i should. But on that time, i was in the middle of study week, so, i waited until the semester break was over so that i can focus on my final exams first. On 16th Feb, at 8.15 am, i had an appointment to get my wisdom tooth surgically removed.

So to start off, i had to take heavy breakfast (i makan nasi lemak hehe) before the procedure. I took a seat on the dental chair and my Dr explained to me all the procedure for the surgery. He said, this process will be totally painless but i may feel discomfort la sikit kan. Then he started to inject local anesthesia supaya mulut kebas. 2 kali gaiszz and i could feel the needle went in. pffft. After few minutes, i permanently lose all sensation around that area. Then, he took out all his sharp tools and start the extraction process. I was actually noticing things but there was no pain at all. At certain point ada la problem sikit macam gigi susah nak keluar, so they called doktor pakar sebelah, suction tetiba sangkut, the tools terkena lidah and rasa sakit sikit especially when he tried to pull out my tooth and maybe sebab i sedar kan, to see and feel what he was doing, seriously i rasa nervoussss. Finally after 1 1/2 hour, my wisdom tooth dah selamat di remove kan, he started to stitch my gum and placed a gauge to stop the bleeding. Alhamdulillah yeaaayyyy!!! My Dr booked another appointment for me after two weeks to remove the stitches. I came back to hostel and for few hours, i couldn't feel anything due to local anesthesia but when i arrived Melaka, i dah start rasa discomfort and pain (sebab ada stitches). Oh btw, my face dah start swelling and i kept taking pain killer after 4-5 hours lepas kebas hilang -__-

Ok. i won't be able to eat good food for a while. not until buka jahitan nanti. And if you know me, you probably know i ni sejenis yang sangat sangat sangat memilih untuk makan, sejenis yang allergic to green things lol even bubur pun i kennot 😭😭 So on the day of the surgery up till now, i had mashed potato for lunch and potato bowl for dinner just to get something in my stomach before makan ubat. ohh and ice cream tooooooooooooo dah 2 boxes dah 😛😛Dah try makan nasi, but i gave up hahahahahaha. i'm laughing now, but at that time, the pain was real lol.

Now, after 3 days, my mouth still feel weird, i still can't open my mouth all the way and i can't chew properly yet haha. in sha Allah, sakit ni temporary je. Tak lama lagi baik. This was one of the toughest decision i had ever made gaiszzzzz #proudmoment (overnyeeeeeee) . I tak pernah kena admit hospital, apetah lagi nak undergoes surgery macam ni but anyway, Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal! 


Thankyou Allah, for making everything easy, painless and smooth during my surgery. Up till now pun, i still boleh control the pain. Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah. Moga imah cepat sembuh. Tak sabar nak makan macam biasa hehehe. For the time being, boleh la #Roadto45 balik phewwwww!

if you're planning to remove your wisdom tooth, goodluck tau!

Lots of Love,

February 10, 2017

2017/6 - Let Me Breath

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

For one second, i am so sick of life and i think about giving up. Bukan sekali dua. Banyak kali sangat dah. i literally felt useless sometimes. It's hard to fight this feeling and it feels so hard to breathe. But people around me keep telling me it will be okay and becoz of them, i still hold on up till now but i start questioning, is success and happiness fixed or is it something i can get? When people asked me why they feel a certain way, it's difficult for me to tell the reason becoz its their feeling, not mine. i am not them. same goes to me. i kennot ask people why i feel a certain way becoz its my feeling, not them (◀ why i dont share with others). They dont know what goes on inside of me. It is in these difficult moments that i sometimes find myself falling off track and start to lose faith.

Throughout my path, these obstacles have the potential to disturb my journey, forcing me to forget that faith on Him is one of important things that will light my journey in this life. i rasa nak give up, easily lose faith  and become discourage when things do not go as i plan. Biasala, kadang my life will take an unexpected route that completely throws me off (and one of it by choosing biomedic for my degree, confirm!). Dont get me wrong, i suka sangat my course but masha Allah, the struggle is real 😭😭 i can't really tell for sure up till now if i buat decision yang betul to choose biomedic 3 years ago.

It is difficult for me to face my current situation becoz, well, it hurts! Sometimes. i really have to smack some sense to myself. i am fully aware, He is the only One who was there during the entire situations and knows it everything, very well. So maybe, just maybe, the things that i wish right now are not good for me kan. so He delayed/blocked them for me #positivevibes. Whether i like it or not, i have to face the reality which is placed in front of me and keep moving towards my goal knowing that my struggles are meant to one day blossom into accomplishments that i will be proud of one day in sha Allah. My goals might not be easy, but biiznillah, they are all possible in sha Allah mah fighting! ❤ The best outcomes always take time to achieve.

I have my own dream, This is why i keep pujuk myself, shield myself from negativity and only impacted by the positive words and people je. i cannot stop here now and i cannot give up on myself.  i am the author and i am currently writing my own story as i dream for it to be. The story is not over yet, becoz i am still breathing 😘😍

That's it, lets put our faith on Him and leave everything to Him.
indeed, my prayer, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds.

O Allah, I want my heart to smile.
Please bring my focus back becoz i feel so distracted these days 😌

Lots of Love,

January 27, 2017

2017/5 - My Heart Speaks

Assalamualaikum & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah!❤

We all have all kinds of secrets that we hope no one ever finds out about them. So do I. It turns out, inside every person you know, there's a person you don't know.  I live a life, others dont understand, and its ok!. i am fully aware that each individual situation berbeza-beza. Others have no idea what i've gone through and same goes to me. i have no idea what others have gone through too. win-win situation kan. hehe.

Dulu, i had to face a  lot of resentment from people around me (obviously not from my parents and siblings). i can feel my self esteem be ripped from my soul everytime people talk bad about me/ kutuk me when they thought i wasn't listening or right in front of me. it hurts and i start questioning when will this end? Well, life will serve us with this kind of people kan sekali sekala and we can't avoid them. We can't control what they say kan. Due to it, i jadi paranoid for few years. i would constantly think that others were talking bad about me and i started to believe that no matter what i did, i was only worth if i could please and make others happy. i learned how to shut off my emotions and never learned how to work through my emotions dah. 

But Alhamdulillah, slowly, year by year, i found and leaned on Him. i learned how to handle myself. i've struggled with myself confidence, i learned how to match how i was feeling on the inside and how i behaved on the outside and it affected a lot of things in my life since then. Many people would label me as someone who's very comfortable with myself sekarang. i've gotten so used to be independent and haven't really know how to be taken care of hehe (◀ why i can't find a guy to date lol 🙄k tak, memain je)

See, i broke myself down dulu, but i'm still building myself back up right nowwwww gaiszzz. Do you know why? becoz i believe, everyone deserve to be truly happy. i want my heart to smile. i want to believe myself. We all have our own sets of struggles and we are all at different levels of faith. What others might consider to be an easy goal or target for them might be slightly difficult for me. Its ok. As long as i am improving myself in some ways kan and at the same time, i try and try and try.

Fighting the battle that we had along with other challenges that come our way in this life is not easy but the fact that we still alive up till now lagi masha Allah! the most absolute baraqah in life kan 😘😍 Our days are limited and our years in this dunya are fleeting. Stay connected with Allah swt and don't lose hope.

Our effort is not lost gaisz. Our du'as is not ignored. He listens to every du'as and gives us not what we want, but what is best for us. Percaya. Have faith on Him. In sha Allah 😍💖 There is always a hope, a new beginning..biiznillah 😁

Ya Allah, 
please grant us all of the requests and du'as we've put in if its good for us, accept all the deeds we've been doing and forgive us, for You are the One who loves to forgive.

p/s : hai syerot!😏❤😛

Lots of Love,