December 7, 2018

2018/15 - My First Job

Salam & Hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤
This little girl gonna start her first job next week!
Last 3 weeks, i received a phone call for my very first job interview after i graduated from one of company in shah Alam. Fast forward, after one week, i went to shah Alam for the interview session and last week on thursday, i received a phone call saying that i pass the interview and was selected to join the team on this upcoming 10th December. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. It was so sudden that i actually still can't believe nak kerja dah wowww. I started apply for job interview a few months before i graduated and i received few calls for interview (but i tak accept any interview on that time sebab ada komitmen lain). i applied through jobstreet, monster, indeed and many more you name it. i sent my resume to many private hospitals (but i haven't receive any feedback from them), i sent my resume to some pharmaceutical company too and some clinical laboratory. i also applied for some contract positions and latest, i applied for assistant researcher at this one institute in Serdang (i really hope boleh dapat yang ni doakan hehe).

Mungkin Allah swt dah tetapkan, everything was so smooth dari dapat interview up till nak cari rumah sewa ni. Semua yang datang during that range time, semua baik-baik bagi support, carikan rumah sewa, nak tumpangkan rumah. Alhamdulillah. I met the house owner last wednesday and she's so kind and i met one of my housemate too, pun baik jugak masha Allah. Isnin ni register. I nervous k. nak jumpa orang baru, environment baru. hopefully semuanya baik-baik. Doakan :) i made du'a, to work in healthcare line (i request for a position masa du'a), alhamdulillah. Allah makbulkan. i was accepted to work in healthcare line but bukan position yang i nak. Tapi takpe, need to du'a harder lepas ni. As for the time being, i will work hard and gain new experiences from here while waiting if there is other opportunity for me. He planned the best kan :D 

i remember the first person i told when i got the interview and when i was selected to work there was Atiqah. I told Iqma and Bella too untuk tanya pendapat ohh and Ummi yang tak putus bagi semangat. Thanks to these four for giving me some advices, tips and showing me the most sincere support i could ever ask for. Ofcoz i dah tanya my parents first sbb their restu is very important for me kan before i told others. i know this might sounds simple to certain people, but for me yang TAK PERNAH LIKE HAVING A REAL JOB/PART TIME JOB before ni, ini something yang besar in my life. Alhamdulillah.

So alhamdulillah, in 2018, i dapat my first baby nephew, Jaan! i dapat raya dengan my schoolmates and coursemates, i dapat grad on time during my birthday's month last October, i dapat kumpulkan all my siblings on my graduation day (walaupun ada yang tengah exam final on that time hehe) andddddddd i secured a job before 2018 over!!!!!!!!!!! Subhanallah, what did i do to get such blessings in my life. Thankyou ya Rabb, for giving me the best that life can offer.

So next on list,
hahaha ok, joking! (not really lol)

Doakan Syaimaa start kerja dengan baik, dapat galas tanggungjawab yang diberi dengan baik, disenangi orang lain, rajin tolong orang and paling penting, jadi HAMBA yang solehah in sha Allah amin. I'll update my working life soon. Wow time sure flies i talk about working life pulak sekarang phewwww. I'll pray that Allah swt ease everyone who still trying to find a job. Have faith on Him and good luck!

p/s : Gambar atas tu, me and my first teacher, cikgu Aisyah, Cikgu paling baik dan paling seorang Syaimaa sayang sampai sekarang. Last i met her when i was 15 and lepas tu dah lost contact. i hope i'll meet her back soon. Moga cikgu sihat selalu dan bahagia di samping keluarga tersayang :)

Lots of Love,

November 4, 2018

2018/14 - Happy Graduation & Happy 23rd, dearself!

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan❤

The day i wrote this post, it has been a week since my birthday of 2018. Therefore, i am actually 23 years old and 7 days (nak jugak hahaha). Alhamdulillah for another year. To be honest, October should be my favourite month kan, but every single year, takpernah lagi i sihat sepenuhnya bulan October including this year. Since 1st week of October i dah start demam 2 minggu, then i pergi UPM for 5 days, balik dari UPM, food poisoning pulak (even pagi on my birthday i still muntah2 lagi, petang dah gerak pergi PJ). As my body not in the right condition, my emotional state pun tak boleh nak balance sangat. i get annoyed easily sepanjang dekat sana, plus mungkin penat 2,3 hari drive dari pagi sampai malam, kesian my friends kena cope dengan mood swing i. But trust me, i tried really hard not to spoil the mood for the last time :(

Anyways, kitorang buat photoshoot pre convo dekat Putrajaya two days before the real graduation day. Saja untuk memories bersama for the last time. All pictures were taken by our coursemate, KA. Checkout his instagram for more details #supportmember. It was fun, taking pictures with my favourite girls. Lepas tu lepak makan dekat i8 Putrajaya and that's when they decided to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY song for me beserta cake. hahahahahaha wehhhh so randommmmm tau sumpah malu. i saw the cake, and i memang nak tanya siapa punya cake tapi mcm entahhh tak tertanya. silly me. After all, never have i hoped for people to give me birthday surprise (but if they want to do so, i'd just welcome them hehe). Being blessed by extra good friends, ya Allah thankyou so much for these people. I got so many good wishes and du'as on my birthday (plus some presents too). Thankyou everyone for the good words! may all the good words back to you guys and your family too in sha Allah :)

Now that graduation is over, i already miss my girls around. Thankyou for the endless memories. The good times and the bad times. The heart-to-heart sessions, the study dates, lunch and dinner dates. I'm going to miss having you guys around everyday, the ones i looked forward to see every single day. As cheesy as that sounds, i can't help but express how important  you guys to me for the past 4-5 years.

Thankyou for forgiving me every time i might not have been the best friend in the entire world and everytime my mood swing datang hahaha. Not to mention the fact that you guys will always be mention in my prayers in sha Allah. Know this my happy pills, you guys are going to do big things some day and whatever you do, i'll be right there supporting you in sha Allah.

Writing this is hard because honestly i'm scared to admit how sad i am to know this will be the end of uni's life with you guys. There are so many things i will miss about you guys. 4 freaking years kot hahaha. i know you guys will make a huge impact on those who meet you in the time to come and i know you guys will always be making others laugh. Good luck my happy pills! Here's to an amazing future and to a lifelong friendship in sha Allah❤😭👭

Ya Rabb, grant them happiness, grant them the best that life can offer.
May they live happily with or without me ❤

you'll be here in my heart, always.

Finally graduated in Bachelor of Science (Biomedical Sciences) with second class upper honours Alhamdulillah #hatsoff 👩‍🎓🎓

Lots of Love,

October 14, 2018

2018/13 - Hi! Again.

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah ❤

Looking back, i realize how sneaky shaiton really is at tricking me to believe i'm doing such a good job as a person by cutting off people away from me. There was this one post, i cakap, i hope i won't mention this one particular person in my blog anymore and that was like a year ago kot hahahaha but here i am, writing again about that one particular person. i met her again after 4 freaking years, dekat one of our friend punya wedding lepas dah habis belajar padahal satu tempat belajar ni. i blocked her on instagram for 3 years (the one and only person yg i block). i changed my phone number because of her. She deactivated her account twitter and the only social media kitorang follow each other adalah facebook tu pun i dah off notification from hers. Masa tu stress sangat, Attachment kan. When we have build a strong attachment to someone, it is very difficult to let the attachment go.

i thought i won't met her again sebab time i wrote previous post pasal dia, dah nak habis belajar plus she did her internship dekat overseas. So i assume, i won't met her ever again. No matter how hard i try to predict how the future would be like, i still have no idea what will happen kan. That knowledge is Allah's domain, not mine. i kept on making du'as at least one day we will cross path again and masa tu dua-dua dah ok. Well, i request and He decides the outcome. Whatever the outcome, that would be what's best for me. Alhamdulillah, He listens to every du'a and gives us not what we want, but what is best for us and after 4 years pufff macam magic.

If anyone should be thankful, it is me. i should be thankful sbb everything is over now. No more tarik-tarik muka dengan orang. No more sakit hati tengok progress masing-masing. No more blocking each other dekat social media (i dah add dia balik dekat instagram and she follow me on twitter baru2 ni hahahahaahahaha). When people asked me why i jadi macam ni, it's difficult for me to tell them the reason. Maybe, just maybe la, i put my trust on her sooooo much as my bestfriend that i felt betray when she left me macam tu jeeeeeeee. 

Simply cut it short, now i'm having a good life with good people around me. i found my bestfriends whom i can trust. Well, the rule is super simple. You make me your priority, surely i will make you my priority too kan. As long i am happy and i don't lose myself again, i'm all good hehe. Those past few years antara yang paling susah for me to get hold to myself. Tak taula tp bila fikir balik sekarang rasa macam entah apa2 la perangai dulu siap takboleh move on lagi padahal benda kecik je pun. But seriously, i sejenis yang appreciate friendship tau. I appreciate my friends especially yang selalu ada if tengah susah. You seriously have no idea how hard i was trying to act macam biasa but at the moment i saw this one particular person, the effort gone macam tu je (dulu la, sekarang no more! hahaha)

It feels good now, knowing that we both are in a good term (by adding each other dekat social media back hahaha). Not like before, but still alhamdulillah. I'm so happy to see her having a good life even without me. i thank Allah swt for letting me pinjam dia sekejap.

"Tear your heart out of your chest, and hand it to God. There is no other healing. I swear, there is no other healing" 

i didn't miss us. My heart did :)

Lots of Love,

September 21, 2018

2018/12 - Perfect Life

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health in sha Allah❤

Last 2 weeks, one of my bestie dah selamat enter another phase of her life. She finally engaged to  her soulmate-to-be hehe. Alhamdulillah, i'm soooooo happy for her. The day she wassap me nak inform, i was soooooo shocked sebab tiba-tiba kan but nawwwww i'm so happy for my girl ❤😭 I've been attending and got invited to my friends punya wedding banyak kali dah ni, and ofcozzzz diri ini tak terlepas di tanya bila lagi. Oh well, not to mention the pengantins yg doakan i cepat2 dpt jodoh ni i appreciate sangat. Tp tu lah dia, i hanya mampu amin kan jeeee lah ceritanya.

For the past 3 month, i ada jaga my baby nephew, Jaan. Bila dah jaga baby ni, i think i'm not ready lagi untuk ada apa2 komitmen buat masa sekarang either as girlfriend orang ke, isteri orang ke or mak orang ke kan. To raise your kids bukan senang, nak2 zaman sekarang ni. Plus if you read dekat social media sekarang, macam2 benda jadi especially yang melibatkan marriage. Tu belum lagi kes cerai, pukul, aniaya isteri/girlfriend/anak and banyak lagi yang melibatkan the ladies ni. Freaking scary man kalau difikir fikirkan. i can't even imagine what to do if i'm in that situation. Yes, you're in love so you two get married but you never know if your husband turns out to be abusive ke or suddenly ada perempuan lain ke or decide to leave you after few years kahwin.

We can't deny the harsh truth. We can see it happening all the time sekarang ni. That's why i still stick to my opinion, women should stand on her own feet. Secure our own place in this world. Get our own job and assets. If you're still single (ehem like me) you can start from now simpan your money, get your own house and car and other things for your future before one day (if Allah izinkan) you get married and your husband suruh stop kerja and focus dekat your little family, at least, by that time, you dah ada your own savings and preparation if anything happen in the future like your husband dies/leaves and left you with no income, no job and 5 kids to feed. Bukan nak doa yang tak baik eh, just in case.

Well, there's nothing wrong pun about wishing for a partner and yearning to start a family. Normal la kan, especially when you dah habis belajar and nak start masuk working life pulak lepas tu acik2 kat rumah pun sibukk tanya hahahaha tp, don't la let marriage thing become the only focus in our life. Banyak lagi benda nak focus. Paling penting jangan lupa, we are slaves of Allah swt first, above all other roles in life hehe.

To be honest, i really tak kisah dah pasal benda2 mcm ni. There's this one time, dulu la lama dah, as we want to get closer to Him, we decide to distance ourselves and sama2 janji nak menunggu sampai mereput takde apa pun jadi and dah selamat jadi suami orang pun that one hahaha. Sejak tu i never wait dah lol membazir masa jeee jaga suami orang teheeee tp kadang tu i'm scared i'll end up alone hahaha i really need to smacked some sense to myself. if ada jodoh ada lah. i'm not afraid if that particular person meets another one dah kalau itu yg terbaik why should i takut kan.

For me to dedicate myself, my precious time, emotions and physical being with someone nanti, i rasa there's nothing wrong with waiting for the man of my dream. The one that not only remind me the purpose of this life, but also help me act upon it and lead our family all the way to Jannah. if ada rezeki nak kahwin nanti,  i pray for a spiritually meaningful and productive marriage, plus a husband with good character and humor and most importantly, who fears Allah swt ❤ Kalau takde rezeki nak kahwin, well, i move on jelah with my life, adopting baby girl and live happily with her hahaha ohh and have faith, ada rezeki tempat lain. Otherwise kalau paksa2, you'll find yourself sinning and falling for the wrong one.

For now, i'm preparing myself for this important chapter in life. may Allah swt guide me and the rest of us to whoever/whatever is best for us in this life and hereafter nanti. Wow, since when life gets so reaaaalllllll i talked about marriage nowwwwwwwwwww. 23 maturing me enough huh hahahahaha.

Paling penting sekarang i nak kerja hehe.
tolong doakan Syaimaa dapat kerja yang terbaik untuk dia lepas convo ni in sha Allah amin.
 thankyou for the du'a! hehe❤

this post might be cringe untuk certain people,
but whatever.


Lots of love,

September 8, 2018

2018/11 - Alhamdulillah, GRAD ON TIME :)

Salam & hai!
hoping everyone in the best of health and iman❤

There's this one particular person whom i thanked a lot during my degree life. Dees. She reached her hand to me when i was at my lowest point and up till now pun i can still count on her. That's one of the reason why i put her on my emergency contact list hahahahahaha. This one, i met her almost 16 years ago. We went to the same primary school and met again masa foundation, jadi kawan balik masa degree lol. i owed her a lot. Thankyou, for being you.

Today (the day i wrote this post), i'm officially free from my Uni's life. Pelik, sebab biasanya lepas dapat result, i desperately need motivation hahahaha muhasabah diri beriya berjanji next sem target baik lagi. Tapi hari ni takde apa nak direnungkan dah. Everything is over!!!! Alhamdulillah, super proud of myself at this moment. Before this day arrived, berapa kali entah rasa nak tukar course. Alhamdulillah, i met people who encourage me with their words, advices and du'as, so i decided to stay. Certainly, there were  bad days, as well as good days too, but most of the time i am excited to meet my friends dekat kolej/kelas (as much as they do to see me lol) and learnt new things dalam kelas.

Time sure flies. Sekejap je 5 years gone mcm tu je. i remember masa first time masuk asasi UPM, i was super blurrrrr and hari2 doa cepat habis belajar. Time tu tengok senior2 rasa tak sabar nak masuk degree. Paling i ingat, masa puasa. As foundation punya jadual tak sama dengan degree, masa puasa tu degree cuti so nak di jadikan cerita, cafe pun tutup. i yg blur time tu takde banyak kawan berbuka lah dengan maggi kat bilik sensorang sampai menitik air mata sedih sangat tu hahahahaha. And the rest is history. kadang, i miss my foundation's life. i miss my foundation's friends, lecturers and i miss you too. tp, if tanya, i taknak patah balik masa. no wayyyy.

Bila masuk degree, when i thought everything was okay and i pasti boleh survive, papppp, He tests me. My first semester still i boleh survive. Masuk 2nd semester pun i barely survive. Masuk 2nd year masha Allah,  the toughest year among all 4 years ni. Result memang kelaut and my kelaut means memang KELAUTTTT (even the closest person to me pun tak tau). Masa tu tengah cuti semester, so i emosi teruk and nekad if i tak perform next semester, i nak tukar kos. Bila naik semester 4, i shut off my emotion, try not to match how i was feeling inside dengan how i behaved. i struggle gila2 nak perform. Join study group, stay up, wake up semua i buat and Alhamdulillah, ada improvement up till final year alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah.

Now, i nak grad dah. This upcoming October, basically on my 23rd birthday hehehe. My dream nak grad on my birthday tercapai gais. Maybe my session not exactly on my birthday la tapi okla still dekat2 dalam range. Alhamdulillah. On the same date, Hospital Pengajar UPM pun akan officially siap. i saw on the board tarikh siap 27th October 2018, and that was 3 years ago kot. Now dah siap!!!! hehehehe. Time sure flies. Graduation is super coooool but not when you start to sedar, it's probably the last time i would be meeting my happy pills (but ofcoz not apply to Dees la sebab rumah dekat lol)

Okla. Please make du'a for me and my friends. We all have our own journey now. Ada yang dah start kerja, ada yang nak start sambung master dan ada yang masih mencari kerja. Apa pun, syukur Alhamdulillah for everything. Allah knows best kan in sha Allah yang baik2 untuk semua :)


i miss everyone now.
May Allah swt protect and grant them happiness in this world and hereafter in sha Allah❤

Lots of Love