September 9, 2020

2020/7 - Nani

Salam & hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.

Last 2 weeks, my childhood buddy got married alhamdulillah. Such a beautiful wedding, beautiful bride & groom. Eh semua lah beautiful haha. To be honest, i feel so grown up seeing this one getting married lol. Maybe sebab i was there since the very beginning walaupun tak lah selalu contact pun. Since sekolah rendah up to sekolah menengah, uni days and now working phase. 18 years punya friendship fuh. It feels like we've been speaking about this day since forever haha. When we first met, never that we know we would spend the next 18 years (and more in sha Allah) navigating all the ups and downs in our lives together. We didn't know we will come to a point discussing about each other wedding preparation haha (at this rate, wedding dia la mine and ummi soon in sha Allah hihi).

But over the years, despite the miles, sorang dekat Kuantan, sorang dekat Shah Alam and sorang dekat Titiwangsa, we have laughed so hard, we have cried together, we have celebrated our successes and mourned our failures together. We have been each other support system apa apa je terus amuk kat whatsapp lol. i thought we are still young untuk ke phase macam ni, starting families of our own haha clearly not! since we are approaching thirty in 5 years.

So that day, standing there with you, watching you marry Qib, fills me with so much joy alhamdulillah. With Qib, i know he will make you happy and take care of you for the rest of your life. i had never had to worry about him, tapi aku risau kau ni haha. Eventhough i wish we could go back to the days where kita banyak main je instead fikir pasal nak jadi dewasa ni, i am sooo happy you've found your soulmate. To Qib, you have won over my girl's heart. i hope you will support and love her till forever and please know i am not going anywhere. Oh and please know she has some gangsta girls who are going to back her up anytime, anywhere.

Nani, while i will miss our single days, i am so happy for you. so much. Semoga menjadi isteri yang solehah dan membentuk keluarga sakinah. Onti Imah tunggu you two punya junior okieeee!

Till then, love you!

Lots of Love,

July 30, 2020

2020/6 - Taekwando

Salam and hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

Taekwando has been part of my life since i was 9 and that was 16 years ago. The one and only my favourite activity because obviously i wont get into any real fight kan so masa class taekwando je boleh acah bantai orang haha k jokeeee! 

When i started at white belt, i enjoyed myself sooo much. Kebanyakan my friend masuk kejap je lepas tu tak tahan, keluar. Evey week pergi training dekat sekolah, weekend pulak sambung dekat dewan. It was sooo much fun back then. If i have to miss taekwando class for any reason, i jadi tak seronok, feel like i missed out on something and nak tunggu the next class tu fuhh sumpah rasa lama haha. i learned sooo many things tau like proper stances, proper blocks, sparring training and self defense techniques. Everything is not as easy as it seems when you kena buat proper techniques and method. Even bila you buat pattern pun ada swing dia to make your steps look more powerful. So each year, i akan at least ambik 2-3 test untuk dapat another rank. From white belt, to white-yellow, yellow, yellow-green, green, green-blue, blue, blue-red, red, red-black and black belt!

It took me a while to prepare for my black belt test. Practice breaking boards paling tough i rasa sebab test my kicking technique and strength. Sparring and pattern i dah biasa masuk tornament so not a really big deal for me. But alhamdulillah, i dapat my 1st Dan Black Belt when i was 14. 1st Dan rank ni penting k sebab baru you boleh rasa you senior compare to belt lain walaupun obviously colour belt pun still based on ranking jugak haha and yes, you get much more respect compare to others. When you reach senior belt, you are expected to ajar your junior. By the end of class, after you lead junior bowing to your master, junior will bow back to you. Bowing means the act of lowering the torso and head as a social gesture or respect. Bows are used when begin and end class, sparring bouts and during tornament.

My favourite thing to do ofcoz sparring! i joined few tornaments and alhamdulillah everytime pun bawa balik medal. Sakit ofcoz haha everytime balik tornament, bengkak sana, bengkak sini and paling worst pun retak la belum pernah patah lagi tapi rasa puas. All the pain rasa worth tau. Taekwando banyak improve myself as it makes me more confident. So i memang pasang impian nak jadi wakil Malaysia if possible hehe coz the highest level i pergi tornament was wakil negeri. So i thought, if i teruskan taekwando dekat UPM, the chances to join Malaysian team lagi tinggi. By the time i prepare untuk join tornament for MASUM which the opportunity for me untuk compete masuk team Malaysia, i did went to few tornament jugak and never that i know, i akan stop taekwando forever before i sempat masuk MASUM. 

My second tornament before Masum, i pergi and my hand retak, kaki pun bengkak. But sebenarnya memang everytime after tornament pun i akan kena benda yang sama but this time lain. Few weeks pun still sakit and thats when doktor cakap i takboleh main taekwando atas faktor kesihatan. Fuhh sakit beb. The first two years was tough. i like macam takboleh terima. sebab benda yang you sayang, you suka since kecik tiba tiba you takboleh buat dah. Lost kejap. Tengok orang pakai uniform i rasa nak nangis. Dulu, if i stress pun i akan pergi taekwando untuk release stress. So, i pergi jugak untuk training je and not preparing for any tornament dah and after few months, i jadi stress sebab orang lain training untuk tornament and i takboleh pergi, so i stop. sampai sekarang. And that was 5 yeas ago huhu now i am all good. 

Cumanya kalau ternampak gambar lama, i rasa rindu sangat but takde rasa nak join dah. i bukan muda lagi takkan nak kick sana punch sini lagi kan. i dah stop lama dah. If suruh i sparing sekarang pun i tak yakin i boleh buat dah. My flexibility pun dah kelaut but alhamdulillah for the memories i treasued them a lot. i really hope my kids (if i have any in future) akan join taekwando jugak. Mungkin boleh sambung hasrat i nak jadi wakil Malaysia haha.

p/s: when i was a white belt, selalu rasa cooool gila senior black belt. Lepas i dapat my black belt, wow i rasa betul betul cooool haha dasar lo.

Take care and stay safe everyone!

Lots of Love,

July 10, 2020

2020/5 - Beautiful Life

Salam & hai!
Hoping everyone in the best of health and imaan.

July dah alhamdulillah. Half of the year dah selamat, another half to go before masuk 2021 which means Syaimaa gonna be twenty six soon. Scawyyyyy haha. Some of my friend dah ke another phase. Marriage phase. Bertunang phase and ada jugak yang dah nak grad Master. Alhamdulillah. I am and still working dekat Shah Alam and masih belum ada tanda-tanda nak pindah. But anyways, i am enjoying my life to the fullest right now. i dah kerja and ada life. i don't like chaos. My life is orderly. It's logical most of the time. Selagi benda boleh settle, kita settle. 

People around me are having some life issues. Relationship and mental state issues to be specific. For better and worse, its changed my perception on relationship. You know as i am now soon to be not-so-young-twenty-six-years-old ahjumma haha, i see relationship as practice for marriage. Among the countless people in the world, we build relationships with certain people and settle down. When people are in relationships, they become each other priorities. Tak kisah la dah betunang or kahwin or plan towards it (may Allah eases your way!). The key is trust. i can't imagine spending your whole life consumed by jealousy and no trust. An open and clear communication is the main remedy for a lot of problems in this world haha.The idea of marriage feels good and awful, all at the same time but i don't want to die old and alone lol. i guess, just like the overused cliche, when you know, you know. it just has to be the right person kan.

The thing is, jodoh, ajal dan maut ni kan completely out of our control. if you make du'a that everything would go as planned, then it's already qadr. Relax. It's in moments like this that i feel so proud of myself coz i'm practicing what i preach chewaaahhhh! i'm not losing my mind dah everytime orang tanya "bila nak kahwin" and i feel good about it. i still didn't know what loving other people instead of my family and friends felt like. if i didn't feel it, could it really exist? i wasn't sure.

so i buat conclusion, i am not ready for any komitmen buat masa sekarang and who knows when i akan ready hahahaha yang i tau, bukan sekarang! But to be honest, i am having a real hard time about turning 26 next year lol but again, not going to put any pressure on myself. it feels good, to write something like this once in a while. To remember how it feels to be in this spot. i am enjoying my life. These single years, this inexplicable journey, will shape my future and most important, my character for the best in sha Allah. i still have this innate trust that everything will turn out all right.

After all, i am happy now and i hope to feel this way (or better) for the rest of my life in sha Allah :)

p/s: i hope to find someone who can handle a  lifetime subscription to my crap :P

Take care everyone! stay safe.

Lots of Love,

February 28, 2020

2020/3-Self Love v/s Selfish

Salam & hai.
Hoping everyone in the best of health and iman in sha Allah.

Hai saya kembali! hehe. Wow in 2 weeks i sempat squeeeeze post another entri ni macam gempak jap lol. Oh btw, i still dekat shah alam and belum ada ura ura nak pindah Melaka sis iz sad. in sha Allah sooon doakan! i okay je kat sini. i seronok, i dah selesa tapi tulah, bila anything emergency jadi, for example hari tu my car dua kali broke down in a weeeek, i terus stress. macam trauma jap. ughhh but alhamdulillah ramai stranger yang baik baik tolong i. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah.

You see, this year i twenty five tau. The older i get, the more i understand what it means to walk that fine line between selfish and selfless. i realize being humble and thinking about others more than myself, is not right. Wow, that sounds soooo wrong before ni haha. i need to prioritize myself. i enchanted those words every day lol. In fact, we all have tooooo sbb everyone else is doing the same.

The people i spend the most time with will always hear me says things like "okay boleh, follow je" or "tak susahkan boleh jee". My friends reading this right now are rolling their eyes coz it's true and lately i found this trait to be constantly annoying. But, to be honest, this phrases spill from my lips unconciously. Macam dah di script tau.i dont even think about other options lepas dah decide baru rasa macam apalah kau buat ni Syaimaa haha. Until at one point, as i have forever put the needs of others ahead of my own, i jadi takut. i takut it's how i will always be. i started to realize yang this kind of traits is not good. People tend to take advantage on me and for that, this habit needs to stop, immediately! Okay maybe immediately cam over kan, so slowly la hehe.

But of course i taknak lah 100% jadi self centered pulak. Common sense will tell me when i'll have to put others first. i'll need to start compromise either in relationship or friendship. Well at least i can put myself on hold to tolerate with someone i care about. Not saying kita kena start jadi selfish for the whole time, cuma put some limit supaya your emotion and physical pun healthy and happy je.

All is good. Alhamdulillah. Makin sayang diri sendiri, makin sayang perasaan sendiri dari orang lain. See you guys lagi nanti! hihi. Hope you guys sayang diri sendiri banyak banyak jugak okie!

Thankyou for reading my rant. Saja share. hihi.

Lots of Love,